Teacher: Settle down! You three are always running around like you’re in a parade or something!
Goofus: Mister, you’re your own gay pride parade.
–R train
Teacher: Settle down! You three are always running around like you’re in a parade or something!
Goofus: Mister, you’re your own gay pride parade.
–R train
Student: So how can we use this information to our advantage?
Professor: Well, if you were ever going to kill someone you would want to bury them in wet ground.
Student: Like a swamp?
Professor, with evil grin: A swamp would be ideal.
–Electromagnetics Lecture, Columbia University
Anthropology professor: If you have a young girl with a knife who starts ripping up her chest, wipes off the blood, and starts rubbing ash onto her, you might call her eccentric.
–SUNY
Stony Brook, New York
Overheard by: I don't think I'd call her at all.
Female student: I have a question — what is the plural for ‘clitoris’?
Professor: That is a great question.
–NYU
Student: How are you grading the papers?
Teacher: Well, at home I have these two hats. In one hat I put the names of all the students. In the other hat I put all of the possible grades…
–NYU
Young physicist: So, dude, are you gonna be around in a few months?
Old physicist: I sure hope so.
–Museum of Natural History
Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.
–5th Ave
Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?
–57th St & Madison
Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!
–Bus
Overheard by: vcstr
Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney
Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Paul N.
Teacher: This is pretty darn green bromothymol blue.
Student: What color’s it supposed to be?
Teacher: Um, bromothymol blue.
–Stuyvesant High
Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?
–College of Staten Island
History teacher: So, Jane*, why haven’t you enlisted in the US military?
Asian bimbette: Um, because you can’t shop in Iraq.
–High school, Brooklyn
