Teen thug #1: You met her in rehab? Son, you was only there three days…!
Teen thug #2: Yo, but check this out — she’s 35!
Teen thug #1: Son, she gonna drop yo’ ass when she finds out how old you are!
Teen thug #2: I already told her.
Teen thug #1, after long pause: Shit, then she a pedophile, son!
–F train
Overheard by: Missin the city
Tourist teen with new Uggs: Ma, can I wear these out of the store? Please?
Tourist mom: Are you fucking insane? Do you want them to be black in this filthy place? I just paid a hundred and fifty bucks for those. Take your feet out of them and don’t stick them back in until we get back to Michigan.
–David Z, 5th Ave
Overheard by: nicole h.
Teen boy in suit: Wow, look at that cute girl!
Teen boy with rolling book bag: Oh, yeah… I’d like to walk next to that.
–Citibank, Forest Hills
Headline by: Trey
Runners-Up:
· “And then I’d hold the fuck out of her hand” – NJgal
· “Chicks dig my sweet wheels” – Marissa
· “I Would Awkwardly Avoid Eye Contact with That Like A Motherfucker” – Leland
· “I’d Carry Her Books So Hard” – Barry P.
· “I’d stick my pen in that pocket protector!” – wannabenyc
Teen girl #1: Yeah, Florida is totally North of New York.
Teen girl #2: Are you kidding me? No, it’s not.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, it is! I mean, like, you drive North to the airport, right? And South of New York is just, like… water.
Teen girl #2, staring in disbelief: Wow.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: Shocked
Grunge rocker teen on cell: Oh, yeah, the book A Wrinkle in Time… It’s, like, one of those books they make you read in sixth grade… Yeah, sixth grade. Six… Like, two divided by three — six.
–Q88 bus
Overheard by: Michelle
Teen #1: Sometimes I fantasize about having a baby with him just so I could be attached to him forever. In fact, last night I was looking on the Internet for when your most fertile days are… And mine is today.
Teen #2, laughing: Well, I definitely don’t ever want to get pregnant. Those nasty maternity clothes… Ew.
Teen #1: What?! I like the maternity clothes better than regular clothes!
Teen #2: Nah, fuck maternity!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Teen girl #1: I hate riding in her car.
Teen girl #2: I know! It smells like dog, and then you look like dog.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: -|
15-year-old girl #1 tapping cigarette box: I totally think that these make me look classy. A person with a box of cigarettes just looks classy.
15-year-old girl #2, giggling: Yeah, I don’t know what he’s talking about. Cigarettes look way better in a mouth than a penis.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Stereotype or caricature
Teen chick #1: You think I’m ghetto, son? I bet you can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
Teen chick #2: Yeah? G-E-T-T-O.
Teen chick #1: Ahhh, you stupid! It’s G-H-E-T-T-O. You can’t even spell ‘ghetto.’
–Prospect Park
Teen girl #1: I’m so hungry. Can we got to Taco Bell before the show?
Teen girl #2: Ewww! Don’t go to Taco Bell! They have rats there!
Teen girl #1: Whatever! The rats are on the floor, not the food!
–Manhattan-bound L train
