Hispanic nanny: And you know how I have to make poo?
Excited toddler: Yeah!
–1st Ave & E Houston
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Hispanic nanny: And you know how I have to make poo?
Excited toddler: Yeah!
–1st Ave & E Houston
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.
–3rd between B & C
Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.
–124th & Manhattan
Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer
Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.
–NYU School of social work
Overheard by: Maggie
20-something girl to friend: I'm sorry, but what is the big fucking deal with eating on the sidewalk? Back courtyard? Sure. Rooftop? Fuck, yeah! But the fucking sidewalk? Homeless people up in my face. Loud trucks up in my ears. Carcinogens up in my lungs. I mean… really? New Yorkers are all fucked up.
–2nd Ave b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Dodd Loomis
Ditzy blond tourist: New York is the most foreign place in America I've ever been to!
–F Train
Overheard by: Chelsea S.
Indian guy on phone: I don't wanna be like the Bengali fob! I'm gonna show up and be like the original New York gangsta!
–B61 Bus
Bar customer to table next to him: I need to visit New York, everyone that visits is always happy. Everyone that lives here in New York is always miserable.
–Chambers St
Little boy, with great excitement: I just tripped in New York City!
–Times Square
Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!
–E 4th St & 2nd Ave
Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Noelle
Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.
–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza
Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him
Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.
–13th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: rolf
Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!
–E train
Overheard by: In_the_Shadows
Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Joe
Somewhat large woman: And then the orangutan started totally groping me!
Passerby, stopping: You've got my attention.
–7th St & 1st Ave
Woman: A hundred dollars worth of squeaky toys and you eat garbage off the floor! I don’t get it.
–22nd & 7th
Overheard by: debo
Teenage boy: Once I hit the blind kid that lives downstairs with a ball and I felt so bad but it had me thinking, “what if he got his sight back by me hitting him?”. I would be like, “yo, you have your sight back thanks to me, give me some money.”
–2 train
Girl on cell: Your ass is, like, slightly cuter than my face.
–Union Square
Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Heather
Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.
–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Farley
Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.
–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: Ross
Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!
–Subway, Spring & Lafayette
Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me
50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)
–Metro-North Train
Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!
–168 & Broadway
British girl: So, why are you here?
White British guy with headband, wearing an afghan: To spread joy throughout the world.
British girl: …ah.
–E 15th St
Overheard by: Someone who certainly felt joy after overhearing this
Indian Girl: Oh my God! Our kids are going to be mad cute!
Asian Guy: Hell yeah! No doubt about it, with my looks and your height.
Indian Girl: Oh, and plus my body.
–Union Square
Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.
–Upper West Side
Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Poogins
Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.
–2nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Alisha
Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.
–Butler Library, Columbia University
Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.
–1 Train
Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.
–Q Train
Overheard by: spygirl
