U.S. Geography

Wednesday One-Liners Need a Homing Device

Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…

–6 train

Overheard by: 21 and knows better

Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?

–Broadway & Bond

Overheard by: the bfd

Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!

–Cheesecake Factory

Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Genissimo

Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!

–Outside Javits Center

Overheard by: Tara

Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?

–Max Brenner, Union Square

Hey, It’s Bigger Than Delaware

Student: I mean, I’m really bad at Geography. Like, what state is that?
Professor: Long Island.

–NYU

Overheard by: Lizanne

The Protocols of the Elders of Wednesday One-Liners

Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!

–M1bus near Wall St

Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon

Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…

–91st & Broadway

Overheard by: Carol Elk

Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.

–47th & 9th

Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!

–8th St & Hudson

Overheard by: Laughing Goy

Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!

–20th & Park

Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…

–F train

Overheard by: LaLa

Guess You’re Kinda Fucked If You Want to Leave Manhattan

Chick #1: It’s so sad that California is going to become an island.
Chick #2: I don’t know how to swim.

–A train

Well, No, Obviously Not That

Guy: You know Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, right?
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Well, you called it a country.
Puerto Rican girl: I’ve just got pride like that.
Guy: What, pride about being American?

–F train

Overheard by: Alison

More Often, It Works the Other Way Around

Dude #1: So, you want to hear about my trip to Miami?
Dude #2: Yeah, why not — just let me order a bottle of J.D. first, then it will get really interesting!
Dude #1: Yeah, fuck Miami, let’s get dead drunk and plan a murder.
Dude #2: Seriously, who do you have to fuck to get drunk around here?

–Double Seven Bar, 418 W 14th St

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners, What Exit You From?

Mom to three-year-old: Actually, there are two other airports in New York. One is called ‘JFK,’ and the other is called ‘New Jersey.’

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Fudd

Drunk girl: Well, somebody’s walking back to Jersey tonight!

–Times Square

Man on cell: Well, you’re really going to have to gather whatever inner strength you’ve got, look inside yourself, stay strong… Be prepared to live without me around… Huh? New Jersey! What did you think I meant?

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Guy on cell: She’s moving to Israel? Really? I guess people really will do anything to get out of New Jersey.

–Park Slope

Woman on cell: No, you see, this guy was a Jersey guy. He might have made it big on Wall Street, but he’s a Jersey guy. That was a mistake.

–Battery Park

I See Your Newark and Raise You a Trenton

Guy #1: It could be worse.
Guy #2: Worse? How?
Guy #1: Newark.
Guy #2: Newark… Right. I see your point.

–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Go To Film School

Drunk girl: I look like a Halloween movie — like Freddie the 13th. Wait, that’s not right.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Juggs Photographer

30-something woman: I’ve come to realize that there’s never going to be a Lloyd Dobbler. There won’t be any boom boxes.

–Prospect Park

Hushed female voice during screening of Short Bus: What the fuck does this have to do with hooking up in New York post-9/11? Take this hippie-dippy crap back to Portland! Ewww! God, take your carriage clock and shove it!

–Landmark Sunshine Theatre, Houston St

Middle-aged tourist to husband: They are so dramatic with all of the security here… It’s just like a movie.

–Church St, by World Trade Center

UPS Guy: I swear to you, Joey, I seen a lot of movies in my time and this movie is not to be missed. I swear, it’s definitely one of the ten best I’ve ever seen. And I’m a big movie buff. They have it at Blockbuster — you have to rent it. It’s called Nanny McPhee. You got that? Nanny McPhee.

–34th & Broadway

Woman: It’s like watching The Sound of Music and The Exorcist at the same time!

–Starbucks, Financial District

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy: That movie had more male pube shots in it than any movie I’ve ever seen.

–Starbucks, 66th & Columbus

Overheard by: MojoSaves

And That’s Why Some Black People Live in Connecticut

Thug in Navigator: Hey! Where’s Brooklyn Bridge at from here?
Guy in car: Uhhh…
Queer in back seat: You’re asking three white guys in a Connecticut car? Fuck! You ain’t gonna make it.

–Flatbush Ave, off the BQE

Overheard by: TK, third guy from CT who didn’t know either

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