Rich girl #1: Do you remember that time in Saratoga when I thought you were dead?
Rich girl #2: Yeah, but I wasn’t.
–Ladies’ room, Mall
Overheard by: Wishing She Had Been
Rich girl #1: Do you remember that time in Saratoga when I thought you were dead?
Rich girl #2: Yeah, but I wasn’t.
–Ladies’ room, Mall
Overheard by: Wishing She Had Been
Clerk: Sir, you need to fill out a customs form for that.
Man: What? Why? This is in America.
Clerk: Sir, it’s North America, but Oregon is not in the US.
Man: Yes, it is. It’s in the northwest.
Clerk: Really? Are you sure? Oh.
–Post office, 99 Macombs Pl
Man #1: Think about it, though — all great men have a great woman supporting them, giving them confidence, encouraging them. No matter what happens, they know she will be there when they get home at night.
Man #2: Yeah. Imagine if Coretta Scott King had been a nag and laid it on him when he got home at night — Dr. King, with all that shit he was dealing with, would’ve been like, ‘Hell no, I’m movin’ to Cali!’
Man #1: For reals!
–R train
Mom: What time is the flight tomorrow?
Dad: Seven a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Little girl: Mommy, we’re going on an airplane?
Mom: Yes, honey, we’re going to Florida tomorrow.
Little girl: Why are we going to Florida, Mommy?
Mom: We’re going to Grandpa’s unveiling.
Little girl, terrified: Mommy, I don’t want to see Grandpa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
Teacher: What country do we live in?
Very enthusiastic little boy: The United States of New York!
Teacher, a few minutes later: Can someone name a state outside of New York?
Very enthusiastic little boy: Brooklyn!
–First grade classroom, the Bronx
Crazy-haired woman: There’s lots of elderly people around here.
Lady: Well, it’s life.
Crazy-haired woman: Yes, but specifically in the San Fernando Valley.
Lady: Mmm-hmmm.
Crazy-haired woman: Where are you from?
Lady: New York.
Crazy-haired woman: You must be Jewish or Italian — which?
Lady: I’m Jewish.
Crazy-haired woman: Oh, the best people and the best meat.
Lady: Excuse me?
Crazy-haired woman: The Jews — they’re the best people and the best meat.
–Pharmacy
Driver: Some people want to go to work, some people want to go home, some people want to go into your pockets… Watch for pickpockets.
–B44 bus
Overheard by: Katia
Bus driver: This is the express bus to Boston. We’ll arrive at 10:00, 10:30, whichever is earlier.
–Port Authority bus terminal
Bus driver: Happy New Year’s everyone. This is the New Year’s bus. I hope someone is looking over my roasted pork chops in the oven back there. I got some collard greens and potatoes cookin’ as well. Let’s get this bus movin’.
–101 bus, 68th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sashanyc
Bus driver who wouldn’t let anyone pay to get on, claiming she’d won the lottery: Nice day today, huh? Y’all wanna go to the beach? Bring a blanket? Three p.m. — meet me at a secret location. MTA going your way! They won’t mind if I take it for a few hours. Madison is next.
–M79 bus, 79th & 5th
Overheard by: mar
Bus driver to boarding passengers: If you have a name that starts with a letter, move to the back of the bus.
–86th St crosstown bus
Overheard by: Hannah Rose
Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…
–6 train
Overheard by: 21 and knows better
Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: the bfd
Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!
–Cheesecake Factory
Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?
–Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Genissimo
Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!
–Outside Javits Center
Overheard by: Tara
Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?
–Max Brenner, Union Square
Student: I mean, I’m really bad at Geography. Like, what state is that?
Professor: Long Island.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lizanne
Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!
–M1bus near Wall St
Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon
Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…
–91st & Broadway
Overheard by: Carol Elk
Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.
–47th & 9th
Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!
–8th St & Hudson
Overheard by: Laughing Goy
Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!
–20th & Park
Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…
–F train
Overheard by: LaLa
