Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners for Kings County

Scholar: Brooklyn is the Paris of New York.

–Grand Army Plaza Station, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ivel

Crazy: Fuck Brooklyn! I can pay for Brooklyn on any other day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not going to Brooklyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wherever we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you people. Except you, Jew. I love you.

–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Nash Astor

Girl: I just don’t like living in Brooklyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.

–Tenacious D album signing, Virgin Megastore

Guy: Sobriety is my back, I am the camel, and Brooklyn is the straw.

–A/C/E subway platform, Lower West Side

Overheard by: Magaret

Lady: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brooklyn in there.

–15th St & Union Square West

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Page-Turner

Woman: He read a book on fisting, and now he wants to share it with his class.

–L train

Dude: They should have made Beowulf into a book — they would have made a lot more money.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: LetheaBu

Girl: It used to be the only reason I liked Anna Quindlen was ’cause she was blind. Now it’s like, ‘Dude, she can read?!’

–Barnard College

NYU bimbette to studious friend: Your problem is that you read for all your classes. Sobriety and scholarly. Those are your problems.

–Starbucks, W 4th St

Overheard by: wine girl

Nine-year-old girl: I forgot my book, and I was supposed to do a report on it! Now what am I going to do?! I’m so senile.

–JFK

Overheard by: mr itchie

Book-hawking hobo: … And this is my new book, ‘If You Don’t Beat Your Children, They’ll End Up Like Me’!

–6 train

Overheard by: Zarek

Wednesdays Are Profoundly One-Linered

Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I'll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Danial

Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, ranting: You can't have sex with people who aren't retarded because they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Overheard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn't retarded. Technically, I'm not a hypocrite.

–L Train

Overheard by: Julia

Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they're retarded?

–6 Train

Overheard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.

–Columbia University

A Tree Grows in Wednesday One-Liners

Father to daughter: Girl, whatchu doing? You tryin’a go to cross the bridge? You tryin’a go to Brooklyn? You want some cheesecake? Some crack?

–Centre St & Park Row

Overheard by: Barry P.

NYU social planner: I wanted to get all the freshmen out of the city for a little so I took them to Brooklyn.

–Main Building, NYU

Girl on cell: I’m not going to Brooklyn sober!

–12th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So are you in town this weekend or in Brooklyn?

–39th & 8th

Overheard by: The Lovely Miss Katie

Chick: Do you know the rules for being in Brooklyn?

–Law office, 54th & 5th

Overheard by: The legal intern

Bill Batson: It’s like the Native Americans all over again. Brooklynites, we’re indigenous. And now Manhattan wants Manifest Destiny.

–Vanderbilt & Dekalb, Fort Greene, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Larissa Kyzer

Little boy: I’m not going to Brooklyn! It’s stupid!

–110th & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer Omaha

Tourist: I don’t like this train line. On the L line they have benches so that you can kneel down and pray… And they don’t have crevices digging into your ass and shit.

–1 train

Tourist girl: Let’s go to the Upper Wet Side.

–Palace Theatre, Broadway

Tourist: You haven’t been raped and stabbed ’til you’ve been raped and stabbed in New York.

–Central Park

Dude with huge backpack, clutching a map: Sometimes you just don’t want to see a huge ball of twine, y’know? It’s, like, 200 miles away. [Guy next to him nods head vigorously.]

–Manhattan-bound L train

Middle-aged tourist on cell: No, we gotta go to Penn Central. Trust me, I know this place — we gotta get to Penn Central.

–Penn Station

High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Jared

Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: tin steve

Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…

–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square

Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.

–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx

Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hoboken PATH Station

Overheard by: Seph

Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo

Wednesday One-Liners, the Shepherds of New York

Conductor: This is the last stop — Brooklyn Bridge, City Hall. Y’all have a nice day and be good, now… But if you can’t be good, be baaad.

–6 train

Overheard by: Paul Schroeder

Conductor: Good morning, everybody. This is your 7:15 New Haven train, express to Greenwich. To infinity, and beyond!

–Connecticut-bound Metro-North train

MTA worker: This station is now closed. No train is coming here. You all have to get out of here!

–8th St N/Q/R/W station

Overheard by: bKSquared+AV

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please remember that every car of this train has four doors, so 27 people in front of one door — well, it is not scholarship material. Let’s use our brains, people. Then you won’t have to bump your guns and complain that the A is never on time.

–A train, 96th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Conductor: Attention passengers, the last two cars will not platform at Bellerose, either. That means if the doors didn’t open for you at the last station, they won’t open at Bellerose, either, so stop standing looking confused, and walk forward!

–Hempstead-bound LIRR

Overheard by: Nathalie

Conductor: For those of you standing in the first five cars, the back three cars are almost empty. Come sit down! I’m lonely back here.

–Metro-North

Conductor: And now… the mass exodus!

–F train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts

Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’

–Bedford Ave

Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: Auston McLain

Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!

–LIRR

Overheard by: mish

Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.

–5th Ave & Union

Overheard by: Stephen

Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.

–Restroom, JFK

Overheard by: colette

Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!

–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: Wendy Booz

Wombsday One-Liners

Woman holding large ice cream, to man: You don’t know what it’s like to menstruate! You have no idea!

–Lafeyette & Astor Pl

Overheard by: I have some idea

Newspaper guy: It’s just like when I was selling tampons to Alicia Silverstone. I was like, ‘Is this my life?’

–34th & Broadway

Chick to friends: I think my mom is going through menopause. She wants to move to Colorado.

–St. John’s University, Queens

Biotech to friend: Stop doing the tampon dance and let’s get out of here already.

–Duane Reade

Well-dressed Indian man shouting at woman: You don’t need no fucking tampons! Tampax — that’s a tampon! Tampax is the fucking mafia!

–2 train

Overheard by: Still Confused

Wednesday One-Liners Will Do Anything but Kiss on the Mouth

Woman: Yeah, but just because you can play a dying crackwhore in Rent, that doesn’t mean that you can play a dying crackwhore in Les Mis — they’re two different kinds of whores!

–Broadhurst Theatre

Columbia chick: Yeah, I’d be the Mother Theresa of prostitutes.

–Columbia University

Couple arguing on the street: You want to talk about the truth, fine — let’s talk about the truth! What about that time I found you upstairs in our apartment smoking crack with that prostitute?

–2nd Ave & E 5th St

Overheard by: Awestruck Iowan

Girl: Well, of course I’m mad… She’s taking my pimp from me!

–Mall

Announcer: There is a ‘B’-as-in-‘brothel’ train approaching the station.

–59th St, Columbus Circle Station

Overheard by: Jennifer

Chick on cell: I think we’re all hypothetical hookers, to some extent.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McF

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist