Queer pointing at eccentric woman reading sides of soup cans with a spy glass: I want to be more like that.
Girl: What, ugly?
–Food Emporium, 50th St & 8th Ave
Queer pointing at eccentric woman reading sides of soup cans with a spy glass: I want to be more like that.
Girl: What, ugly?
–Food Emporium, 50th St & 8th Ave
Man on cell: So, what have you been up to, besides running a sperm bank?
–Chinatown bus
Yuppie: So he shot some sperm in my mouth, and I ate it.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: renata
Woman on cell: I know! And the only thing insurance doesn’t cover is the sperm!
–20th & 5th
Overheard by: I want to get on her plan
Queer: He got sweat in my eyes, cum in my nose, and shit on my dick.
–1 train
Man on cell: It looked like he was covered in jizz. Giant jizz. Like giant, Paul Bunyan-jizz.
–5th Ave
NYU chick: So then I realized that I had cum on my breath! And what would he think of that?
–Waverly & Broadway
Freshman: So what if you occasionally jizz in your pants?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]
–LIRR waiting area
Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived
Hobo #1: It’s the motherfucking Law of Thermodynamics.
Hobo #2: Fuck you.
–57th & Lex
Overheard by: Ray Kugler
Girl #1: You look really smart today.
Girl #2, with hand tucked in armpit: I look really smart? Why, because I’m putting corn starch on my wet parts?
–33rd & 3rd
Teen girl #1: If you were a guy, I would totally rape you.
Teen girl #2: Isn’t it the other way around?
Teen girl #1: No. I wouldn’t rape a girl. Unless she was a guy.
Teen girl #2: Oh.
–Broadway
Police officer: Crime isn’t going down. It is being reclassified.
Man: Sir, do you know where I can get cheese?
–Brooklyn Family Court
Girl: I think that guy is waving to me.
Guy: That’s a streetlight. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that third piece of paper.
Girl: I can’t wait ’til vegoose.
–South Street Seaport
Middle-aged man #1: So you married her, right?
Middle-aged man #2: Yeah, I married her. I married the hell out of her.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Costa
Police cruiser stops on 8th Ave by a group of black teens.
Loudspeaker: What are you doing there?
Black teens: [inaudible]Loudspeaker: OK, but no hands.
One teen takes three long strides and leaps on top of a mailbox, wobbles precariously, touches one finger on a wobble, and stands straight up.
Loudspeaker: Used your hands.
–34th & 8th
