Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Posted on September 10, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

The Live-Bug Earrings, Especially

Girl #1, yelling: We are not weird! We are not odd! Why would someone say that!?
Girl #2: Well, I'm a little odd.
Girl #1: Yeah. I guess you are.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: .bryan.

Posted on September 8, 2017
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Questions, Weirdness

Who Says College Doesn't Prepare You for the Real World?

Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: JC

Posted on September 4, 2017
Advice, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Default, Education, Food, Frat Boys, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Weirdness

That'd Be Awful– Really Cool to See, Though

Volunteer with clipboard: Do you have a minute to help the environment?
Suit on cell: Fuck the environment, I hope the shit blows up!

–14 St b/w 5th & 6 Ave

Posted on August 31, 2017
Activists, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Animals & Nature, Insults, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, The Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Do Not Pass “Go”; Do Not Collect $200

Guy: I don’t think you’re supposed to like being incarcerated.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: mkb

Middle-aged man on phone: I’m telling you, if I turn myself in now I won’t be in court for six months.

–50th & 8th

Grungy guy to his friend: …Dude, you have no idea how many times I’ve been in this courthouse…

–Giants Parade, in Front of the Courthouse

Overheard by: Julian

Guy on phone: We really got ourselves in some deep shit with this one. I hope he gets out sooner for good behavior. We should have never gotten involved.

–JFK Airport

Woman, yelling in stall: I will read you your Miranda rights, bitch! I will arrest you!

–Port Authority Women’s Bathroom

Overheard by: unsure if she is crazy or on the phone

Cashier on phone: No, you don’t understand, miss. That is perjury. If I do that, I will go to jail… No, you are not listening to me. I would be arrested. I would serve time…[hangs up, turns to customers.] Can I help you?

–Harlem U-Haul

Posted on August 25, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Cashiers, Crime and Punishment, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, JFK Airport, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Port Authority, Prison, Stall Spies, Store, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Never Let That Stop You Before

Student: Once at the restaurant I saw a guy take a picture of one the kids with his camera phone. And I had no idea what to do…
Professor: Well, I can't talk about that with you because… That's weird.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on August 17, 2017
Cell Phone, College, Kids, Pictures, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

The Astoria Poster-Children Were Fired Shortly Thereafter

Young punk #1: Where's the fucking n train? Can we get NRW in this shit… (pause) So my friend was all coked out and fucking this girl in the ass, then he totally lost it and started pissing right in her asshole.
Young punk #2: Woah…did she notice?
Young punk #1: Of course she noticed, he was pissing in her fucking asshole! (train arrives) Oh, sweet, it's the n!
Young punk #2: Yes! Astoria represent!

–Union Square, Waiting for the NRW

Posted on August 4, 2017
Ass, Asshole, Beastiality, Cocaine, Pee, Public Transportation, Punks, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Watching Organic and Inorganic Chemists Dance-Fight Like the Sharks and the Jets

Professor, rolling up a blackboard to reveal a second blackboard that is covered in general chemistry: Oh god! Oh god…get it off! Ew!
(class laughs)
Professor: No, not the ideal gas law! We don't need that, we're organic chemists! There is no such thing as gas! No such thing as gas!
Student #1: Organic chemists are very sensitive.
Student #2: This is kind of tragic.

–Organic Chem Class, Barnard

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on July 26, 2017
Classroom, Columbia (& Barnard), Laughter, School and studying, Science, Students, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Those Wacky Homeless

Hobo: It’s not like I even mean to keep talking. I don’t wanna keep talking. They fucked up when they started making Taco Bell Doritos. They take away the molasses! Why? Because they know I like it. I smoked crack with the FBI. Hasta la vista, nigger. Next time I see you, I’m gonna blow crack smoke into your head, you fucking bitch.

–W Train

Posted on July 22, 2017
Cocaine, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Hobos, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, On the Subway, Weirdness

We Prefer the Blue Wall of Silence

Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #2: You're a cop, you fucking bastard?
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #2: You're a fucking cop?!
Drunk guy #1: I'm a cop, you idiot!
Drunk guy #3: I'm a cop you idiot! It's not a tumor!

–3rd Ave & 92nd St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mallory

Posted on July 19, 2017
Brooklyn, Cancer, Cops, Default, Drunks, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Weirdness

Weirdness