White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
–Broadway
White chick: Susan, stop pinching my ass!
Asian girl: I’m not doing anything!
White chick: Well, then who’s doing it?! [Sees hobo culprit behind them.] Oh my god, a bum is pinching my ass!
Asian girl: Should we do something?!
–Broadway
Dreadlocked whitey on bike runs red light, almost getting struck by SUV.
Dreadlocked whitey: Hey! You almost hit me! Why don’t you watch where you’re going in that thing?!
Girl in SUV, out window: Jerkoff, you just went through a red light! I should have run you over on principle.
–34th & 3rd
Overheard by: Just trying to cross the street
Annoyed white girl: That cop with the flashlight was, like, shining it on my ass! So I was like, ‘Stop! I know my congressional rights, bitch!’
–Bus from Live Earth to Port Authority
Overheard by: Kevin
20-ish guy on cell: Yeah… Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn’t get my money! Ma… Yeah, Ma, you know I don’t care!
–Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker
Overheard by: The Simian Space Man
Conductor over intercom: Either we can have a peaceful ride uptown, or the police can ride with us. You decide [laughs maniacally].
–2 train
Overheard by: Ladle
[Hippie on bicycle loses concentration and crashes into lamppost.]
Cop in nearby squad car, over loudspeaker: Hahaha! Should’ve been more careful, or what?!
–42nd & 8th
Overheard by: Susan Laura
Chick: So, I’m up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, ‘Okay, time to go!’ and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going ‘whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop’ — like, he’s making siren noises — and I turn around, and there’s this cop… I guess the siren on his cop car wasn’t working or something, so he’s on the loudspeaker mic yelling, ‘Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!’ as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!
–14th & 7th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…
–Fulton St
Overheard by: other white girls
Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!
–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway
Overheard by: Bubby
Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!
–PATH platform
Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.
–JFK
Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway
Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.
–Madison Square Garden
Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!
–D train
Gangsta #1: You guys have any weed?
White hippie: No, sorry. We have some booze coming soon, though.
Gangsta #2: Booze? What the hell?
Gangsta #1: Drinks, you dumbass… [To hippie] That’s cool, that’s cool.
White hippie: Have a good one!
–Central Park
Overheard by: LSB
White girl dressed like a thug: Yo, reality’s on the line!
White girl dressed like a skeleton: And it says that you’re a racist!
–East Campus, Columbia University
Overheard by: Nia
White guy, about pretty black chick passerby: Yo, why do black girls always look at you but not me?
Black guy: Same reason why you piss close to the urinal and I gotta stand a foot away.
–35th & 6th
Overheard by: Hispanic guy who stands 8 inches away
Black guy, popping white friend’s collar: Man, what’d I tell you about that?
White friend, putting it down: But I don’t want to.
Girl: Leave him alone — he ain’t ready for that yet.
–NYU Kimmel Building
White teen: Can I get you anything else, sir?
Black man, eating: I don’t mean to sound racist, but can I get me some more of that white meat?
–All Souls Soup Kitchen
Overheard by: phia
White boy: I’d never be intimidated by the black people in Connecticut after spending a few days here.
White girl: You think the black people here are intimidating?
White boy: Like, I’d walk up to a couple black guys at home after being here and just be like, ‘Excuse me,’ if they were standing in my way.
–Lafayette & Claussen
