Boy #1: Suck my dick!
Boy #2: Fuck you!
Boy #1: Suck my dick! I had sex with your mother (long pause) she had… a little baby!
–Graham Ave & Ainslie St, Williamsburg
Boy #1: Suck my dick!
Boy #2: Fuck you!
Boy #1: Suck my dick! I had sex with your mother (long pause) she had… a little baby!
–Graham Ave & Ainslie St, Williamsburg
Girl: These fish are big, yo! Or is this tank magnetic?
–Petland, Greenpoint
Overheard by: miles
Tiny hipster girl: So how’s the kneecap?
Hipster guy: Fuckin’ swollen.
Tiny hipster girl: Fuck yeah!
Hipster guy: Yeah. But I’m getting an elephant head tattooed next to my cock!
–Europa, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kneecaps are a real bitch
Female Police Officer: So he calls me at 1:59 and tells me, ‘I’m out with the guys and I won’t be able to be home by 2.’ So I say to him, ‘Just don’t come home at 6 am!’ and he says okay and then he comes home at 5:59!
Male Police Officer: Why do you put up with this?
Female Police Officer: Because once you go Puerto Rican, you never go a-seekin’!
–Precinct 90, Williamsburg
Tour guide, holding up t-shirt: Brooklyn is a Vienna-style lager. I’m giving away a t-shirt to the first person who can name another Vienna-style lager that is brewed in the U.S.
Guy in Red Sox hat: Sam Adams!
Tour guide: Very good. And I would give this t-shirt to you, except that you’re a Boston fan. Better luck next time. [Continues tour.]
–Brooklyn Brewery, 11th St, Williamsburg
Man on pay phone: Naw, naw! You gotta tell him! We ain’t down with the broomstick!
–4th Street & 7th Avenue
Overheard by: Earl Holloway
Old hippie chick: You know, my friend was saying that when she’s in a line, even if the line doesn’t move, if people line up behind her, she feels like she’s moving forward…you know? Isn’t that so capitalist?
Old hippie guy: That’s not capitalist, it’s perspective.
–Williamsburg
Yuppie #1: Have you heard from Barbara recently?
Yuppie #2: No, she’s now dating this guy so she’s vanished.
–Williamsburg
Girl on cell: Hey, where are you?
Chorus of old Hispanic men, in unison: I'm right here, baby!
–Lorimer Street, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Holly
Chick: I’ve always wanted to try coke.
Guy: It’s not that good, but I hear heroin’s great.
–Alligator Lounge
