Women

Catch-of-the-Day Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on bench to friend: What did you do? You can't just eat a fish!

–Central Park North

Chick on cell: Were we attacking each other with goldfish last night?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman to friend: And on top of that, I hear she smokes like a fish!

–Columbus & 67th

Overheard by: abcnews

Girl on cell: I don't have snakeskin shoes, but I have these fish shoes I really love. Yeah, they're made out of fish scales. They're awesome.

–Penn Station

Middle-aged African American woman: I went to eat in the Bronx and she gave me naked fish.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: the guy behind the guy

Apparently It's the Bitching Hour.

Girl on bench to woman walking past: Pardon me, do you have the time?
Woman, without stopping: No, I don't have the time for you, because you don't have a watch.

–19th St & Irving

Overheard by: Mikaela

Saying Goodbye to The Gates

Guy: We just saw The Gates. And you know what they are? They’re a bunch of curtains in the park. That’s right, curtains in the park. You wanna see a bunch of curtains in the park, then go see them. But that’s all they are: a bunch of curtains in the park. Oh, yeah, and they’re “saffron”.

–Newark Airport shuttle

Overheard by: Julie Winterbottom

Woman: So?! They’re not dumb to me!

–The Gates

Oh. Like a Joke

Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!

–The Village

Overheard by: CS

Actually, Mr. Dole, You Aren’t the President

A man hands a woman a brochure for erectile dysfunction.

Man: I’m not only the president, I’m also a client.

–MetroNorth Train

Overheard by: Mark

I Mean, I Assume He’s Sleeping with Her

Woman #1: You know that wasn’t a real woman, right?
Woman #2: I don’t know, I don’t know. I gotta ask my husband. He’ll know.

–23rd & 3rd

At the Very Least That Dog’s Pretty Smart

A blind woman and her dog are making their way into a Duane Reade through the “Out” door, with difficulty to keep the door open. Behind them is a WASP lady, waiting to get in.

Blind woman: Good, good, now make a hard left, to the counter, to the counter.
WASP lady: Idiots.

–74th & 3rd

Seriously, Can I Have One Of the Bananas?

Conductor leaning out window of train pulling into station: Hey, nice hat! I like your hat!
Woman on platform with nice hat: Um, thank you.
Conductor: This is 72nd Street. Uptown 2 train making local stops, local stops. Next stop 79th Street. Nice hat! Niiiice hat!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

That, and Rides to the Mall

Balding guy: My nuns were into emotional abuse.
Old lady: That’s horrible. That’s what parents are for.

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: kathrine

Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana

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