Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Wednesday One-Liners?

Little boy: But I was really excited for her to get a hernia!

–35th & 6th

Overheard by: alix

Eleven-year-old boy, to classmate that he just hit with a ball representing "responsibility": Oooooooo!!! You just got pounded in the face with responsibility!!!

–Bushwick, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Their Proud Counselor

Ten-year-old girl, about figures: Why do they all have to be boys?

–Bodies: The Exhibition, South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Robert

Young child crossing the street while holding his mothers hand: [Singing] Please… Don’t… Enter me.

–70th St & Columbus

Little boy: It’s not illegal to jiggle.

–6th & 17th

Preschooler to daddy: Can I get that three hundred dollars now?

–UES

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Education, Friendship, Gender issues, Girls, Illness, Kids, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, Questions, Singing, Tweens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, Words

And Quit Brandishing That Anal Probe

[A Girl is running ahead of her mom and yelling.]Mom: Get back here!
[Girl continues her rowdy behavior.]Little girl: No! Ahhhhh!
Mom: Stop yelling like that! You’re going to scare the humans.

–59th & Lex

Posted on April 29, 2008
Default, Girls, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Upper East Side, Words

“Rapid I Movement” Is Otherwise Known As Narcissism

Professor: So REM stands for “Rapid Eye Movement”.
Befuddled girl: Then why isn’t it called “RIM”?

–Psychology Lecture, City College

Posted on April 29, 2008
Default, Education, Girls, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Words

Don’t You Make Your Own Lunch?

Guy #1: You’ve been snackin’ recently.
Guy #2: What do you mean?
Guy #1: Spitting in my sandwiches –and I still eat them, but there’s no trust!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Been Jamin’

Posted on April 28, 2008
Default, Excretions, Food, Friends, Friendship, Guys, On the Subway, Questions, Words

A Little Bit Quieter Than That

Male student: I think it was just like… quiet racism.
Exuberant black teacher, whispering: Nigga!

–ICE High School, 16th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Lady-Bastard

Posted on April 28, 2008
Black People, Boys, Default, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Race, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, Words

Still a More Convincing Gandhi Than Ben Kingsley

Guy with thick New York accent: Come on, let’s go.
[Dog lies down on back.]Guy: Don’t do that Mahatma Gandhi shit!

–Washington Square Dog Run

Overheard by: KidUgly

Posted on April 26, 2008
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Default, Guys, History & Geography, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Parks, Washington Square Park, Words

Someday She’ll Just Erupt Like Mount Crackhotoa

Girl: He says that she is his soulmate. Is he fucking kidding me?
Guy: She is a semen-gurgling road whore.

–Subway Inn, 60th St, UES

Posted on April 26, 2008
Bars & Clubs, BJs, Cum, Default, Girls, Guys, Insults, Questions, Upper East Side, Words

And Never Ride the Subway

Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #1: How many Ts in frottage?
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #2: Frottage? What’s that?
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #1: It’s when you rub against someone in a crowd, sexually. Like dry humping.
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #2: Oh yeeeeah, I knew that. Jeez, I haven’t heard that word since that Psychology of Sex class I took a few years ago.
Cute nerd girl playing Scrabble #1, enthusiastically: That’s because you don’t read enough slash!

–Starbucks, 2nd & 9th

Posted on April 25, 2008
Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Default, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Education, Friends, Questions, Starbucks, Time, Union Square and East Village, Words

Hell Hath No Fury Like Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy church lady into microphone: There are no drugs, sex, or rock n’ roll in hell. Repent and have your fill in heaven.

–42nd & 6th Subway Station

Overheard by: Tony

Train "preacher" holding his bible: Adam was the first black man! And Eve was the first white woman! And Adam sinned and got them kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Then they had a whole lot of brown babies! But they set the stage for black men and white women. That’s why you have Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton running for President today! It’s in the bible!

–2 Train

Preacher: We’ve got a lot of tourists here today and we know why you came -you want to see a black gospel church. And that’s okay, that’s okay! That’s what we are. And you know, some of our members, they do it tough. Why, they come from such rough neighbourhoods as Connecticut and upstate New York …

–Abyssinian Baptist Church, Harlem

Bible thumper: You need a ticket to get on the heaven-bound train! And the ticket is Jesus Christ.

–3 Train

Street preacher: … And what is good for the goose is good for the gander! And what is a gander, anyway?

–St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: EthanK

Posted on April 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Christianity, Crazies, Drugs, God Squad, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Politics, Preachers, President, Questions, Race, Sex, Street, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tourism, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Are No Longer Considered a Planet

Girl, to boyfriend: And that’s why you can never trust the emotions or actions of someone whose star sign is ruled by mars.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: ALR

Barista to waiter: I don’t mind that I spent $130 on a pair of Oakleys cause I can look at the sun for a while and it won’t hurt my eyes.

–Long Island Railroad

Overheard by: Chris K.

Baby boomer hippie to college student: Dude, I just got me some of that Afghani shit. Took me to the mooooooon and back, baby!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Summer

Doonesbury looking dude: Imagine what life would be like without the sun.

–40th & Park Ave

Overheard by: Ledbetter

Girl, being shaken awake by friend: But Rachel, where are you going to put the black hole?

–A Train

Bum on street, to several protesters passing by in pure white bio-hazard suits: Aw… You people wait right there, I’m a run and get some cigarettes then I’m comin’ to the moon with ya’ll. Seriously… Wait.

–45 & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Comack

Posted on April 23, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Astronomy, Baristas, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hippies, Homeless, Long Island, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Shopping, Street, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Weed, Words

Words