God girl #1: … And then Todd* called Jake* a scumbag! Can you believe he said that?!
God girl #2: No, he didn’t call him that. He called him something else, but the same…
God girl #1: Oh… Douchebag! He called him a douchebag!
God girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t know what that meant. No one uses that word.
God girl #1: I heard it three years ago, and that’s only because I moved to the city.
–1 train
Man on cell: …well, congratulations! Or should I just say, “oy veh”!
–Midtown lobby
Half-asleep hobo, in garbled voice: Can ya help me out, man…?
Passing student #1: What did he say?
Passing student #2: I dunno. If you're gonna beg you should at least enunciate!
–7th St & Ave B
Guy #1: That’s so gangsta, bro!
Guy #2: What’s so gangsta about it? They’re just feeding monkeys.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Angelina Salgado
Woman #1: After that Oprah, I knew we needed to work at our problems.
Woman #2: Good for you, good for you.
Woman #1: Yeah, I was like “Nigga, you better get up off me, take this knife off my throat, and use some motherfuckin words.”
Woman #2: Girl. Just like Rihanna.
–Escalator, Penn Station
Overheard by: JHillary
Guy #1 discussing recent State of the Union address: So, one person takes a drink every time he says ‘America,’ and the other person takes a drink every time he says ‘Iraq.’
Guy #2: Whoa…
–24th & 6th
Overheard by: erin
Suit: Did they tip their 45s to their homies?
–Park Avenue
Overheard by: SuperVixen
Suit on phone: 500 milligrams? That's nothing. First, you need to start looking at the definition of possession…
–Broadway & Reade
Suit to little son: I need to teach you the difference between "homos" and "hobos." You'll understand easily, (giggles) …not much of a difference.
–Doctor's Office, Carrol Gardens
Suit on phone, snickering: Your posts are turd sandwiches!
–4th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: ris
Suit on cell: I say go for it. You're rich, she's hungry. What could be more perfect?
–47th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adrienne
Obese cashier lady: This soy milk supposed to make you slender?
Woman: Uh, I dunno.
Skinny cashier lady: Girl, ain’t no soy milk gonna make your fat ass slender!
Obese cashier lady: Shut your ass up.
–Gristedes, West 64th Street
Overheard by: vegannramember
Man #1: I’m talkin’ about cup noodles, nigga.
Man #2: Them shits is good.
Man #1: They’s cheaper than mac and cheese.
Man #2: Mac and cheese went up by a dollar!
Man #1: Tell me you is playin’!
–L train
Overheard by: Mason Buck
Cashier lady: How come this rings up as “Homo Milk”?
–K-mart, East 8th Street
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Loudspeaker: Aisle 10 is now open for customers with less than a million items.
–Key Food, Astoria
Overheard by: Christa
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to take this time to remind you all that there are four doors on this subway. Four doors. So when you’re waiting to board or exit the train and everyone is crowded around one door, just remember that there are four doors. Say it with me now… One… Two… Three… Four… Very good. The magic number for today is four.
–E train
Conductor, to guy trying to hold the doors open at the station: Sir, this is not your train. I repeat, this is not your train.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Firestarter
Conductor: People, this is not an "I think I can" moment! Please stand clear of the closing doors!
–1 train
Overheard by: anna
Female conductor on 3 train, when doors don’t close: In the rear, whatever you have hanging out, pull it in!
–3 Train
Overheard by: J-Mo
Train conductor, to someone blocking the doors: Sure, whenever you’re ready, we’ll move this train out of the station.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Murtwah
Conductor: Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep, doors close. Then they open again]. Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep again, doors close. Then they open again]. Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep again, doors close. Then they open again.] Get yo’ foot out a de do’ foo’!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nick
Guy #1: I want to sing into an oscillating fan and record it.
Guy #2: Do you think you’re the first person to think of that? That’s like saying the kid on Project Runway invented the word “fierce”.
–10th St & 1st Ave
