Guy with squash equipment #1: Let's squash.
Guy with squash equipment #2: We squashed her all night and we squished her all day.
Guy with squash equipment #1: That's disgusting.
–Gym, Columbia University
Overheard by: Nava
Guy with squash equipment #1: Let's squash.
Guy with squash equipment #2: We squashed her all night and we squished her all day.
Guy with squash equipment #1: That's disgusting.
–Gym, Columbia University
Overheard by: Nava
(two guys bike past blowing a whistle and yelling, imitating a siren)
Old woman: Well, that about sums it up.
–Broadway & 19th
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Grandpa on cell: Okay, well, don't bump and grind with any boys!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Yours Truly
Older lady: I'm anti-tchotchke!
–Hudson & Bleecker
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Older woman gazing out at the pond: Well this is it! Scumbag park!
–Turtle Pond, Central Park
Overheard by: Confused
Old guy sitting on bench, to other: I'm gonna send your picture to Bellevue, so they can get the food ready for ya.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lola
Old lady: The sex shops came in after the gays moved up from The Village in the 80s. But that's okay…
–8th Ave & 20th St
Elderly well-dressed lady to other (in front of bong shop): This place looks good.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: Philouza
Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky's secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!
(people giggle but still not much room in front)
Bus driver: Well, it's good to know you're a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I'm not moving this bus.
–Bus, Central Park West
Overheard by: passenger
Bus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!
–Bx9 Bus
Bus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.
–M23 Bus
Bus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There's coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.
–Crosstown Bus, 57th St
Overheard by: Flexy
Bus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e-mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is "mad" for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!
–Crowded Q 55 Bus
Overheard by: Matt
Bus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don't speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah…
–Bus, Flushing
Queer #1: I am sorry, I did not mean it.
Queer #2 (angrily): What do you mean you didn’t mean it? You told me that you loved me. You can’t just take that back!
Queer #1: Sorry.
Queer #2: What do you mean you’re sorry!?
(pause for a block)
Queer #1: Thanks for the help. Now I feel ready to tell Brian.
–Univeristy Place &14th St
Girl #1: Hey look! (whispering) It says “poopy” right there.
Girl #2: (goes to the counter and looks at the sign) That doesn’t say “poopy”! It says “poppy”!
Girl #1: Really!? Oh my god! That’s so funny!
Girl #2: At first I thought you said they were “booby bagels”.
–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave
Overheard by: Azzerrr
Street preacher: The day of repentment is here!
Passerby: ‘Repentment’ isn’t a word…
Street preacher: It’s the word of God.
–42nd & 5th
Overheard by: The Professor
God girl #1: … And then Todd* called Jake* a scumbag! Can you believe he said that?!
God girl #2: No, he didn’t call him that. He called him something else, but the same…
God girl #1: Oh… Douchebag! He called him a douchebag!
God girl #2: Yeah, I didn’t know what that meant. No one uses that word.
God girl #1: I heard it three years ago, and that’s only because I moved to the city.
–1 train
Man on cell: …well, congratulations! Or should I just say, “oy veh”!
–Midtown lobby
Half-asleep hobo, in garbled voice: Can ya help me out, man…?
Passing student #1: What did he say?
Passing student #2: I dunno. If you're gonna beg you should at least enunciate!
–7th St & Ave B
Guy #1: That’s so gangsta, bro!
Guy #2: What’s so gangsta about it? They’re just feeding monkeys.
–Bronx Zoo
Overheard by: Angelina Salgado
