Comedy promoter guy: Gentlemen, are you interested in seeing some comedy?
Guy: I’ve already seen your shitty show!
–78th & Broadway
Comedy promoter guy: Gentlemen, are you interested in seeing some comedy?
Guy: I’ve already seen your shitty show!
–78th & Broadway
After the woman sent them to the wrong place twice, my uncle went back to the information desk.
Uncle: Excuse me, but did you have to pass an IQ test to get this job?
Information lady: I’m wearing my eyeglasses.
–JFK
Man: Fuck you.
Woman: Fuck you.
Man: Fuck you.
Woman: Fuck you.
Six-year-old girl: Cunt.
–Grand Central
Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go.
–2nd St & Ave B
Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down?
–Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Linda
Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets!
–Starbucks, La Guardia airport
Overheard by: Allears
Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C!
–Victoria’s Secret, 57th St
Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy?
–Greene St & Prince St
Overheard by: deadzebra
Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties!
–PATH train
Overheard by: blkgirl
Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad?
–Broadway & Prince St
Overheard by: djingo
Tourist #1: Oooh, let’s go in here!
Tourist #2: That’s a bank, you moron.
–Bank of America, Times Square
Overheard by: Allisa
Black girl: Did you put butter on that bagel?…That’s too damn fast to be any good. Hey, hey, don’t use that knife, it has egg on it and I do not eat eggs!
Deli guy: This is not eggs. This is cheese.
Black girl: And so what is your point?
–LA cafe, 23rd & 5th
Yankee fan #1: It’s so awesome. They can cut through cardboard — anything. These things are so sharp they could really do anything.
Yankee fan #2: Like stab my wife?
–Bronx-bound 4 train
Overheard by: sternie
Customer: Are any of your soups vegetarian?
Soup guy: Yes, the lentil and vegetable soups are.
Customer: I don’t trust you.
Soup guy: I make the soups.
Customer: Well, I just don’t trust you.
Soup guy, to next customer: Can I help you?
Customer: Hang on now, I still don’t trust you!
–Pax, 40th & 6th Ave
Girl: Does your tan go away quicker when it’s cold out?
Guy #1: Yeah, it’s like why water turns white when it freezes.
Guy #2: You two are both idiots!
–58th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jester
Guy on cell: …so I say to her, “Why the hell do you have a cell phone if you don’t use it?”. God, my brother is an asshole and my girlfriend is a moron!
–Clinton Street
Overheard by: nappytee
