BJs

Take Me Out to the Wednesday One-Liner Game

Drunk NYU dude: You guys know that loose skin around your shaft or whatever? Push it over the tip of your dick. It feels like you have three balls. Three balls! Fucking sweet!

–NYU

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Dude: I swear to god dude, I can feel my balls moving from side to side today!

–5th Ave

Hipster girl: Balls have no place in my mouth. Gum, chicken, or any other kind.

–F Train

Overheard by: Teabag

Loud fat black chick : I wanna kiss the balls of the person who made these cookies.

–Broadway

Overheard by: sounds yummy

Meathead on cell: I got some good shit for you for the gym. Shoot this shit in your ass three times a week and you'll look like The Incredible Hulk in no time… I can't believe you're doing all this stuff to impress your wife. We'll see how impressed she is when you don't have any balls anymore because you're on steroids. Who knows, maybe she'll start fucking me instead.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: vicky

Guy on phone: I know classical music well enough to know that Vivaldi had no balls.

–42nd St & 10th Ave

Is It Our Anniversary Already?

Guy: I'll give you what I normally give you.
Girl #1: A toothbrush?
Girl #2: A penis in your face.

–113th & Amsterdam

The Best Reason Not to Document Your Exploits

Ghetto gay boy: So Sophia* got some video of her on the internet givin' head to her ex man.
Not so ghetto gay boy: Yeah? That sucks.
Ghetto gay boy: Yeah, I told her yo, you better not let your son see that shit.

–Norman Ave, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Why would he be looking?

Look, Just Don’t Do Anything. With Anyone. Ever.

Sixth grader: Wait, I don’t understand. When you have oral sex you don’t take off your clothes, so how can you get AIDS?
Student teacher: Ummm…

–University Neighborhood Middle School

Overheard by: face

That One’s Boring — Tell the Donkey-Punch Story Again!

Small child, trying a Sprite: I don’t like it.
Dad: If you don’t like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I’ve heard that one before.

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: Brian Flanagan

Hold Her Close

Chick: That bartender has such huge tits. Are you sure you don’t wish I had bigger tits?
Dude: Honey, you know I love you just the way you are.
Chick: You’re just saying that because I blow you every single night.
Dude: Well, it doesn’t hurt.

–Bar

Overheard by: Debra, The Barmaid Blog

Ten Bucks Says the “Chick in the Restaurant” Was His Hand in a KFC Bathroom

Married guy on cell: So, last night I was out with this chick and she, like, went down on me in the restaurant. Then I went to the other room and saw this girl I used to date and we did it in the–
70-year-old lady, tapping guy on shoulder: –Excuse me, mister — the entire bus can hear your conversation.
Married guy on cell: Uh, I’ll call you back [disembarks as soon as possible].

–M1 bus

Overheard by: Ari

That's Not What My Junior High School Nurse Said!

Sleazy woman: You can stay over my place, and I'll blow ya and stuff, but would ya mind if we didn't screw? I'm still gettin' over a pregnancy.
Sleazier man: Well, it's not like contagious or anything…

–Night Club, Midtown

Because If It Was the Backs of Your Knees, I'm Intrigued.

Buff guy #1: So she was like “I wanna suck you.”
Buff guy #2: Wait…like your dick, suck you, or something else?

–F Train

I Guess He Never Called

Teen girl #1: The only time I ever gave head I was really drunk. I just remember when he started cumming, I jumped up and screamed “Ew, gross!”
Teen girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. Who was it?
Teen girl #1: Well, that’s why I think third base is disgusting. I just skip over it.
Teen girl #2: Who was it?
Teen girl #1: In conclusion, don’t go to third base. Ever.
Teen girl #2: Alright.

–MoMA

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