Small child, trying a Sprite: I don’t like it.
Dad: If you don’t like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I’ve heard that one before.
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: Brian Flanagan
Small child, trying a Sprite: I don’t like it.
Dad: If you don’t like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I’ve heard that one before.
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: Brian Flanagan
Chick: That bartender has such huge tits. Are you sure you don’t wish I had bigger tits?
Dude: Honey, you know I love you just the way you are.
Chick: You’re just saying that because I blow you every single night.
Dude: Well, it doesn’t hurt.
–Bar
Overheard by: Debra, The Barmaid Blog
Married guy on cell: So, last night I was out with this chick and she, like, went down on me in the restaurant. Then I went to the other room and saw this girl I used to date and we did it in the–
70-year-old lady, tapping guy on shoulder: –Excuse me, mister — the entire bus can hear your conversation.
Married guy on cell: Uh, I’ll call you back [disembarks as soon as possible].
–M1 bus
Overheard by: Ari
Sleazy woman: You can stay over my place, and I'll blow ya and stuff, but would ya mind if we didn't screw? I'm still gettin' over a pregnancy.
Sleazier man: Well, it's not like contagious or anything…
–Night Club, Midtown
Buff guy #1: So she was like “I wanna suck you.”
Buff guy #2: Wait…like your dick, suck you, or something else?
–F Train
Teen girl #1: The only time I ever gave head I was really drunk. I just remember when he started cumming, I jumped up and screamed “Ew, gross!”
Teen girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. Who was it?
Teen girl #1: Well, that’s why I think third base is disgusting. I just skip over it.
Teen girl #2: Who was it?
Teen girl #1: In conclusion, don’t go to third base. Ever.
Teen girl #2: Alright.
–MoMA
Thug: I really gotta figure out a new way to ask for a blowjob.
–Soho
Overheard by: Emily McInerney
Guy to coworkers: So wait, a blowjob is exactly like sitting on a toilet?
–40th & 6th
Lady: Oy! Don’t even get me started… Unless we’re talking about gay men blowing each other, in which case, I have no problem with that.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Drunk girl to friend hooking up: Just suck his dick and let’s go…
–Bar, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Ah, bottle fellatio. I remember doing that in high school for a bunch of guys.
–Amtrak into Penn Station
Overheard by: Ladle
Teen after HIV workshop: Yo, don’t have anal, bro. Get your penis licked!
–Banana Kelly High School, Bronx
Overheard by: nooners
Guy on cell: Of course I hate her! However, that’s not gonna stop me from fucking her.
–Park Slope
Girl: Your mouth is warm. Lick my face.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Man on cell: I don’t see what the big deal was. It was only a blowjob.
–Greene Street between Spring & Prince
Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.
–W 27th St
Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.
–SoHo
Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Kosi
Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.
–7th Ave
Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.
–L Train
Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.
–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St
College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Liz
Boyfriend: Baby, that was amazing last night.
Girlfriend: I know…
Boyfriend: Really. that was the best head you ever gave me. Easily in the top five.
Girlfriend: Top five ever? Or just from me?
Boyfriend: Um…
Girlfriend: Who was better than me?
Boyfriend: That’s a ridiculous question. There’s no Platonic ideal of blowjobs.
–2nd Ave. & 5th St.
Overheard by: Franklin
