Middle-aged man: If I wanted to gouge his eyes out, I’d have his eyes in my pocket right now.

–11th & 5th

Overheard by: Max

Fat teen: I don’t know about you, but my clit is real low… Like, down near my ass.

–110th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Kong

Guy on cell: What fell out yo’ foot? What do you mean, the bone fell out yo’ foot! Put it back in!

–Penn Station

Woman preaching to two friends: I can’t believe he couldn’t find the ovary. I mean, if you’ve seen an ovary once, you know how to find it again. It’s not hard.

–F train

Overheard by: commuter

Woman on cell: I’m sorry, baby, what part of your body are you talking about? … Oh, God.

–A train

Dude: Civilizations have dried and died on my chest.

–D train

Tween: … And I’m like, ‘Hello, clit.’

–E Houston

Girl: I keep picturing your eye in my stomach.

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily

Little girl: Mom! That girl’s poking her eyebrow at me!

–70th & Broadway

Asian girl: I should be paying for all this. It’s just going to all end up on my face anyways.

–Food Emporium, Murray Hill

Overheard by: Jesse