20-ish music enthusiast #1: Man, their last concert was so great — I got hospitalized right after.
20-ish music enthusiast #2: Seriously?!
20-ish music enthusiast #1: Yeah, man. I guess I suffered some abdominal tearing…
–Metro-North
Overheard by: gotta start driving to work again…
Boyfriend, about punk girl passersby: Man, whatever happened to fake titties and a tan?
Girlfriend, possessing neither: Hey!
Boyfriend: Oh, sorry.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: bemused eavesdropper
Blonde: Freaking-A, my prostate hurts! Does your prostate ever hurt?
Brunette: Um, girls don’t have prostates.
Blonde: Um, yeah we do, idiot.
Brunette: No, girls do not have prostates. Only guys do.
Blonde: You’re stupid — girls and guys have prostates. What do you think makes you poop?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: girls have prostates? hm wierd.
Redhead: I wish I was a pirate.
Brunette: No, you don’t. Pirates are dirty. They don’t have toothbrushes.
Redhead: Yeah… But they drink so much alcohol that it kills the bacteria in their mouths anyway.
Brunette: Really? Well, they still don’t have health insurance…
–FIT dorm
British lady: It must have eaten some rat poison, because it vomited up its innards and then had just enough strength left to crawl to the door before dying in a dainty pool of blood.
–1 train
Teacher to girl who just cut herself with Exacto knife: Would you stop leaking?! Your blood is going to stain the linoleum!
–Bronx Science engineering class
Overheard by: LSB
Suit on cell: Why isn’t it done? Why isn’t it fucking done? Was it your intention to make my ass bleed today? Was it?
–41st & Broadway
Girl: My grandma always washes my bloody underwear.
–1 train
Guy to girlfriend: Your hair tastes like fake blood.
–Mulberry St
Overheard by: Ashley
Teen chick on cell: I’m going to cut my arm tonight to show you how much I love you! Yes! I’m going to cut it off! Yes! I’m going to wipe all the blood on a napkin and give it to you. How much blood there is is how much I love you… Yes! I! Am! Well, I can’t think of another way to show you how much I love you. I have to prove it somehow! Oh, I have another call, I gotta go.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: still recovering
Hobo, taking long drink from water fountain: Ahhh, water is good! It tastes like blood!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Oh My God
Girlfriend: Ugh, I have the worst taste in my mouth.
Boyfriend: That’s ’cause you’re a whore.
Girlfriend: … I don’t get it.
Boyfriend: Your mouth tastes bad ’cause you suck too much cock.
Girlfriend: Oh my god! You’re such an asshole!
Boyfriend: I love you, baby.
–Shea Stadium
Overheard by: sweetpea
Flabby hipster #1: She had that anorexic fuzz on her neck.
Flabby hipster #2: Ew!
Flabby hipster #3: No, that’s bulimic fuzz.
Flabby hipster #1: It’s for both.
Flabby hipster #2: That is gross. You would think that having that fuzz would be some incentive to eat.
–F train
Chick #1: Hey, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a long time! How’s life?
Chick #2: It’s great. My hip bones are sparking.
–NYU Silver Center
Man #1: Hey, man, how’s your mom doing? I hear she’s kinda sick.
Man #2: Yeah, she’s not doing so well. She lost her second leg.
Man #1: What? She lost another one?
Man #2: Yeah, son. She called me the other day because she couldn’t find it. I went to her house and looked everywhere for it, but nothing, son… Nothing. It’s fucked up, you know what I’m saying?
Man #1: Yeah, son. That’s some fucked up shit. Damn, son.
–Atlantic & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: MS
Dude: So, I saw this girl yesterday who had the most beautiful nose…
Chick: Really?
Dude: Yeah, I’ve had dreams about this same nose since 1986. I never thought it would happen, but I’m so glad it did.
Chick: Wow. What did she look like?
Dude: I don’t know. I didn’t get a good look at her face.
–G train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Via
