Little boy with toy machine gun #1: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #2: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #1: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #2: I'm the traitor!
(repeated over and over)
–Marine Park, Brooklyn
Guy: Did you know that Dan* was out sick? I heard he has the shits.
Girl: The shits? I don’t think he’s sick. It’s because of all those years of abusing his sphincter. He probably just can’t hold it anymore.
–Anna Maria’s Pizza, Bedford Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Receptionist: Now, if you’re good, Jason, I’ll let you play with the models.
Five-year-old Jason’s dad: What models?
Receptionist: The prostate models.
–Smoke break outside Urologist’s office, 6th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick: I’ve always wanted to try coke.
Guy: It’s not that good, but I hear heroin’s great.
–Alligator Lounge
Bimbette #1: I don’t even, like, know what it feels like not to, like, have something like that, you know?
Bimbette #2, after a long pause: Totally.
–President & Clinton St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: liza
Witness #1: Damn, he slapped the shit out of her.
Witness #2: Use your phone and call the cops.
Witness #1: Hell no. You saw what he just did to his girl — imagine what he would do to me!
–Flatbush area
Overheard by: Damion
Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.
–North Williamsburg
Overheard by: anti-feminist
White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.
–J Train
Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.
–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn
Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?
–Circuit City, Union Square
Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!
–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill
Overheard by: also a drinker
Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.
–NYU Bobst Library
Overheard by: queenofscots
Cute girl #1: You opened her mail?!
Cute girl #2: No… Jesse opened it. He thought it was one of those stupid dentist card things they send in the mail.
Cute girl #1: At least you'll have a conversation starter next time you talk to her.
Cute girl #2: Oh, yeah. What am I suppose to say? “So, your pap/cervix test was positive?”?
–Bay Ridge
Woman buying bagel: Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. I guess you’re not sleeping with my roommate anymore.
Bagel cashier: Hey! How have you been?
–Flatbush Ave
