Brooklyn

America's First Black Wednesday One-Liners

Tranny heading toward Halloween parade, seeing Sarah Palin costume: Oh my god! That's the lady President, right? The assistant President!

–W 4th St Subway Station

(muslim hot dog vendor bows down to pray at 5 pm)
Child in stroller: Look! Look! Mommy! Barack Obama!

–W 60th & Columbus

Overheard by: Brian

Thug, to hot girl passing by: Hey! Yo, girl, excuse me! (she keeps walking) So, you're voting for McCain, then?

–60th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex A.

Little girl: I want to vote for Obama…because he's the first black person to run against Bush.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Dana

Sidewalk watch vendor: These are the watches Obama wore before he became Senator!

–33rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: crosstown girl

Little black girl trick-or-treating with family: Two, four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Obama! Obama!

–Pacific St & Nostrand

Overheard by: Obama Now!

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

The Financing of Wednesday One-liners

Street salesman: Come over, buy yourself a belt. If you got a big butt, buy two belts.

–Brooklyn Heights

Can We at Least Agree That We Both Hate Freedom?

Little boy with toy machine gun #1: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #2: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #1: I'm the traitor!
Little boy with toy machine gun #2: I'm the traitor!
(repeated over and over)

–Marine Park, Brooklyn

This Is Your Sphincter. This Is Your Sphincter on Cock. Any Questions?

Guy: Did you know that Dan* was out sick? I heard he has the shits.
Girl: The shits? I don’t think he’s sick. It’s because of all those years of abusing his sphincter. He probably just can’t hold it anymore.

–Anna Maria’s Pizza, Bedford Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

If You Promise Not to Lick Them This Time

Receptionist: Now, if you’re good, Jason, I’ll let you play with the models.
Five-year-old Jason’s dad: What models?
Receptionist: The prostate models.

–Smoke break outside Urologist’s office, 6th & 6th, Brooklyn

Losing a Dimension Is a Great Way to Shed Some Pounds

Guy with Afro: Well, I’m more of a three-dimensional person.
Hipster girl: Yeah, I know, but you should go and enjoy it!

–Clark St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Adam Distler

Kate Moss Has Moved on to Formaldehyde

Chick: I’ve always wanted to try coke.
Guy: It’s not that good, but I hear heroin’s great.

–Alligator Lounge

If I Hadn’t Gotten the iPhone the Day It Came Out, I Would’ve Died

Bimbette #1: I don’t even, like, know what it feels like not to, like, have something like that, you know?
Bimbette #2, after a long pause: Totally.

–President & Clinton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: liza

Probably Consensual, Anyway

Witness #1: Damn, he slapped the shit out of her.
Witness #2: Use your phone and call the cops.
Witness #1: Hell no. You saw what he just did to his girl — imagine what he would do to me!

–Flatbush area

Overheard by: Damion

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