Stephen Colbert: Coxsackie. It’s something that kids get when they eat their poop, or even worse, someone else’s poop. It’s highly contagious. For instance, in those playpens, with the plastic balls? Sometimes they lick the balls, and they get coxsackie…God, that sounded so wrong.
–The Colbert Report studio, 54th & 10th
Overheard by: future gyno
Girl #1: My poop is like my cat’s.
Girl #2: Like pellets?
Girl #1: No, like chronic diarrhea.
Girl #2: Why don’t you take it to the vet?
Girl #1: I havn’t even taken myself to the doctor, so why would I bother going for the cat?
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Out-of-breath Star Wars fan: Hey, do you know where the 3 pm light saber fight will take place?
Bored security officer: I dunno, but it should be over there. That’s where all the weird Jedis are hanging out.
–Big Apple Comic Book Convention, Penn Plaza Pavilion
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Guy #1: Did you bring your cell phone charger today?
Guy #2: Oh yeah. Like, they be giving free electricity up in here, for real.
–Kings Criminal Court Building, Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chris Thompson
HS girl #1: Well, I do not want people cloning me. Unless God came to me in a dream and said, “Pilar, you need to clone yourself so that you can live again and save the world”, then I will. But otherwise, I do not want people cloning me. Because if you get cloned you know you have to relive all your same problems and stuff. Isn’t that how cloning works? Anyways, cloning is stupid.
HS girl #2: Yeah, cloning is stupid. Why haven’t they been working on a cure for AIDS or breast cancer? They just want to make everyone die so they can clone them.
–Health Opportunities High School, South Bronx
Girl #1: What’s an animal that sleeps for a long time?
Girl #2: A dead baby. You’ll sleep like a dead baby.
–Grand Hyatt New York, Park Avenye
Overheard by: Dann
Roberto Clemente, Jr.: Well, maybe you won’t say that when you have to spend 3 days straight with George W….We spent three days straight sitting down talking, just drank some beers, ate some hot dogs–
Professor guy: –smoked a joint…
Roberto Clemente, Jr.: Yeah! And he inhaled.
–Waverly Building, Waverly Place
Overheard by: Genevieve Dreizen
Chick: Yo, I don’t mind sharing some pussy so long as she ain’t my wife. If she’s my wife, then I ain’t sharing pussy!
–Time Warner Center
