Buildings

Teenager: Dude, my sister is always stealing her friends’ books, but like, sometimes no one has the book she wants, how much easier would it be if there was like, a Blockbuster, but for books.

–Blockbuster

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Did you bring something to read on the train? I’m trying to decide if I want to talk to you, sleep, or read my book.

–A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Teenage girl: I need Romeo and Juliet. But do you have any with, like, the English on one side and Shakespeare on the other?

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Spoiled colleg girl to friend: My mom really wants me to get a nice big tote because she’s really worried about how I’m going to carry all my books. But I’m, like, worried if I’m even going to read my books.

–Outside Bloomingdale’s Dressing Room

Chick: So they called him up on stage, and they were like: "We want to bestow this honor upon you." And he was like: "It is indeed an honor, an honor indeed." And I’m all like: "Come on, like, I mean, seriously, like, who talks like that? Can’t you take it down a notch! Don’t you read US Weekly or anything?

–Starbucks, Woolworth Building

NYU girl to male friend: There’s almost something poetic about it, you know? Like, the 20-year-old Catholic virgin from Connecticut losing it to the older Ecuadorian lothario? Hell, I should just write a book about my life.

–NYU Dining Hall

Electric guy to himself: Where’s my gloves?
Grip guy: Gloves? I don’t use gloves. I use my bare hands like a man! Only pussies use gloves. Are you a pussy? Be a man, ya pussy.
Electric guy: But then my skin will get all dry and crack and stuff.
Grip guy: Duh, well, yeah. That’s why you have to moisturize.

–Movie set of I Am Legend

Overheard by: Another electric guy

Broker #1: There was a suicide attack in Israel yesterday.
Broker #2: How many people died?
Broker #1: Luckily, only three. They did it in a resort town in the South called Eilat.
Broker #2: They probably did that to get away with it.
Broker #1: It’s a suicide attack. They don’t get away with it, they get blown to pieces.

–Office, Chrysler Building

Overheard by: BoredBroker

Girl #1: She said to meet her in front of some type of iron building.
Girl #2: What’s that?
Girl #1: I don’t know. Some building made out of iron. What’s that building made out of?

–23rd & Broadway

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head.

Style Court Plaintiff Room

Walkie Talkie: Style for Lori. You’ve got a guest freaking out upstairs. Get up here.

Style Court Plaintiff Room

Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.

Style Court Audience

Overheard by: Tibbie X

Businesswoman: Tex-Mex is not Mexican food. It’s American. That’s why it’s called Tex-Mex.

–Midtown Office

Chick: …and the moral of the story is, don’t take off your pants in a stockroom because you’ll get dumped.

–UWS

Overheard by: e. glass

Super: Toilet’s fixed. Sorry I was so gruff before, but my hands were full of shit.

–Ave A