Wednesday One-Liners Hope It’s Just Ketchup

Worried suit: Oh, good. I was hoping you would call. Uh yes…I’ve had bloody stool twice in the past two weeks… Yes, the blood is around it…I don’t know. What do you advise?

–McGraw-Hill Building, Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: HELP! I’m in the cube across from him

Woman to male companion: I don’t give a shit about no fucking white people, they can suck my bloody pussy. My shit is all bloody and nasty, but I changed my drawers and shit. At least I don’t just rinse it out and hang it in front of a fan…

–G Train

One-eyed Armenian worker, pointing to sample bottle of Vampire wine: Would you like a taste of this wine? It’s half blood, but only the blood of pretty girls, I only drink pretty girls.

–Liquor Store, 10th St & 2nd Ave

MTA cop to blood drive employee: You want blood? I’ll give you blood. Just not from my arm, if you know what I mean.

–Penn Station

Bro: If it looks like blood, it coagulates like blood.

–6 Train

Girl on cell: How was Vicky’s sweet 16? [couple of seconds later] Was the blood from your nose or your ass?

–36th St & Broadway, Astoria

Overheard by: Cody

Posted on August 29, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Buildings, Celebrations/Parties, Cops, Creepsters, Girls, Illness, Insults, Medicine, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Questions, Race, Rockefeller Center, Science, Sexuality, Store, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Women

Malice Goes to Style Court

Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head.

—Style Court Plaintiff Room

Posted on July 28, 2014
Actors, Buildings, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Etiquette, Fashionistas, Suicide

Malice Goes to Style Court

Walkie Talkie: Style for Lori. You’ve got a guest freaking out upstairs. Get up here.

—Style Court Plaintiff Room

Posted on July 28, 2014
Buildings, Directions, Fashion, Security Guards

Malice Goes to Style Court

Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.

—Style Court Audience

Overheard by: Tibbie X

Posted on July 28, 2014
Beauty, Body Parts, Buildings, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Girls, Guys, Questions, Sex

Wednesday One-Liners

Businesswoman: Tex-Mex is not Mexican food. It’s American. That’s why it’s called Tex-Mex.

–Midtown Office

Chick: …and the moral of the story is, don’t take off your pants in a stockroom because you’ll get dumped.

–UWS

Overheard by: e. glass

Posted on July 26, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Ethnic Food, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office politics, Sex & Relationships, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

No, I Won’t Shake

Super: Toilet’s fixed. Sorry I was so gruff before, but my hands were full of shit.

–Ave A

Posted on July 25, 2014
Blue-collar workers, Buildings, Etiquette, Lower East Side, Poop

The Definition of Pompous

Yuppie: There is in fact a fundamental difference between Ray’s and Webster’s. One is a series of restaurants that sell pizza; another is a book that you can look up the definitions of words in.

–Party, The West Village

Posted on July 24, 2014
Books & Writing, Buildings, Ethnic Food, Stupidity, The Village, Yuppies

Be Paranoid; OverheardInNewYork is Listening…

Woman: So it’s top secret. I think I’m going to quit in January.

–500 Madison Avenue

Posted on July 19, 2014
9 to 5-ers, Buildings, Jobs & Careers, Women

I Think I’m Switching Branches

White Trash Lady: I don’t want to be hit with overdraft charges.
White Trash Guy: You can’t overdraft. They know you better than that.
White Trash Lady: I can do it. I don’t know how I do but I do it.

–Independence Bank, Bensonhurst

Posted on July 15, 2014
Brooklyn, Buildings, Money & Class, White Trash

Ni Hao, Wednesday One-Liners!

Korean girl to white guy: Why do you find it necessary to squint your eyes when you do an Asian impression?

–L Train

Overheard by: john.ainley

White girl to friends: And then a ninjician pulled a chopstick out of her ear!

–Veniero's Pastry Shop

Overheard by: Amy

Asian chick: Asians are obsessed with analyzing poop.

–Max Restaurant, Tribeca

Overheard by: Shringle

Woman begging for change: Can I get some quarters? (pause) My cousin-in-law is Chinese. Come on!

–52nd & Lexington

Overheard by: NMT

Asian woman, after sneezing: Just cuz I'm a sneezin' Asian don't mean I got SARS.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: CNaughty

White girl on cell: Okay, I'm going to sound crazy, but there's this Asian guy in one of my classes…and he looks just like Ashley…and I just want to run up and say "Can I take a picture of you? Because you look just like my black girlfriend!"

–Dorm Building, Cooper Union

Posted on October 15, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Body Parts, Buildings, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Global Geography, Grocery Stores, Illness, Koreans, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Pictures, Poop, Port Authority, Questions, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness, White People

Buildings