Wednesday Mile-Highliners

Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I'm your pilot, T.J. Maxx.

–JetBlue Airplane

Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf.

–LaGuardia Flight

Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure.

–JFK

Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Posted on June 2, 2010
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Blackberry, Cell Phone, Flight Attendants, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Leisure, Money & Class, Offers and requests, One-liners, Passengers, Pilots, Public Transportation, Travel, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners with a Reservoir Tip

Girl on cell: I don't need anything else. I've got 20 dollars, my phone, and a condom.

–11th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Alex

Flamboyant boy on cell: Wait, where are you? What are you doing? Please tell me you'll wear a condom. (pause, then boy's face grows increasingly horrified) Several condoms.

–Dining Hall, NYU

Street vendor next to hot dog vendor: Get your Obama condoms! They go great with a pretzel!

–Times Square

Overheard by: not another tourist

15-year-old girl: Damn, nigga, I hope you flushed the condom, cuz they be using turkey basters for other shit now. They be taking the condom from the trash can and suck up the cum and put it in theyselves. I know, cuz I messed with a few niggaz who be telling me and I learn in sex ed!

–74 Bus, Staten Island

Posted on June 2, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Bus, Cell Phone, Condoms, Cum, Education, Girls, Kosher food, Money & Class, NYU, On Cell, On the Bus, Paranoia, President, Sex, Staten Island, STDs, Teens, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Avoid the Ones With Seeping Screens

Girl, handing boy an iPhone with sleeping screen: Look at this.
Boy #1, tapping all over screen: How do you get this to work?
Girl: Press the button. (boy continues tapping screen) The round button. Press it. (boy continues tapping all over screen) The only button! (boy continues tapping all over screen everywhere except the button)
Boy #2: Wow, dude, you must be awesome with vaginas.

–Mooncakes Foods, Watts & 6th Ave

Posted on April 27, 2010
Boys, Cell Phone, Girls, Grocery Stores, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?

–City Hall New York Sports Club

Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!

–Union Square

Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.

–R Train

20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.

–Bond St

Posted on April 21, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…So Text Me

Friend to girl who has just fallen on the street: Are you okay?
Girl: My phone is okay!

–115th St & Broadway

Posted on April 20, 2010
Cell Phone, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene

And His Own Stock Portfolio.

Little girl: I just don't understand why…
Dad: Look here: I'll give you the money for the tickets and you can buy the tickets for the movie!
Little girl, sounding less than enthused: Uh-huh. Timmy's five, like me, and he has a cell phone…

–Loews Movie Theater, Lincoln Square

Posted on April 19, 2010
Age/Aging, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Kids, Money & Class, Movie Theaters, Movies, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Also How Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens Hooked Up

Teenage boy, pressing up against teenage girl pretending no one can see: You know he wants to get in your pants…
Teenage girl, acting coy: Nah, you're wrong.
Teenage boy, continuing to grind her up against subway door: I am decent, if you looked at my contacts in my cell phone you would think I was gay.

–F Train

Posted on April 19, 2010
Cell Phone, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Sex, Teens, Wishes & desires

…Like, Why Is It Dressed in a Little Outfit?

Girl #1, giggling while watching pictures on iPhone: Wait, this is a toilet bowl!
Girl #2: Yeah, isn't it cute?
Girl #1: But it's a toilet bowl!
Girl #2: I know that, and I thought it was really cute!
Girl #1: You have issues.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on January 29, 2010
Beauty, Cell Phone, Girls, On the Subway, Pictures, Psychology

Men's Texting Only Fills the Empty Hours Between Blowjobs

Guy: This girl just sent me a text that ended in a winky face. How should I respond?
Girl: Well, do you like her?
Guy: No, but I do want a blowjob.

–14th St

Overheard by: Good luck

Posted on January 18, 2010
BJs, Cell Phone, Girls, Guys, The Village, Wishes & desires

And My Mom's My Dealer.

Guy #1: Can you believe this guy was texting his drug dealer when he hit a guy on a bicycle?
Guy #2: To be fair, that could of happened to any of us.
Guy #1: I don't text that much.

–57th & Lexington

Posted on December 29, 2009
Accidents, Cell Phone, Drugs, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Cell Phone