Boyfriend: My vibrator is a lot louder than yours.
Girlfriend: Really?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I’m switching to AT&T.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Not From Jersey City
Boyfriend: My vibrator is a lot louder than yours.
Girlfriend: Really?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I’m switching to AT&T.
–PATH Train
Overheard by: Not From Jersey City
Girl #1: “Its so annoying how your phone wont learn to spell ‘fuck’.
Girl #2: Yeah. It wont spell “fucked” either, thats the one I have trouble with.
Girl #1: Yeah. Like it always spells “ducked”.
Girl #2: Yeah. And I don’t wanna be ducked, I wanna be fucked!.
–L Train
Overheard by: Lara
Headline by: maggie
Runners-Up:
· “Donald And Daffy Went Home Alone That Night.” – 1310 (formerly SNA)
· “Fowl Language” – Koren
· “My Phone Totally Just Cock Blocked Me.” – Jennette
· “Old McDonald Had a Fetish, E-I-E-I-Blow” – CV
· “Sexy Is Using a Feather, Kinky Is Using the Whole Bird” – Jatmos
· “That’s Right… Ducked in My Puppy!” – Stick
· “The “Lame Duck” Presidency All Makes Sense Now” – Dale
· “Well, Once You Go Quack…” – Tim Ferlito
Hipster: Why are you playing Tetris when you have me to talk to?
Friend, still playing: Shhhh.
Hipster: [Closes friend’s phone.]Friend, looking up: Things like that break up friendships.
–Broadway & Lafayette
Overheard by: Jer
Mom: So, when you send me a text message, is that free?
Twentysomething daughter: No.
Mom: Then stop texting me all the time!
Daughter: Oh, well it’s free for me. It’s just not free for you.
–D Train
Overheard by: NCS
Boy, speaking to sister: So, next time you’re out with your boyfriend and you don’t pick up your phone because you don’t hear it in your bag, I’m beating him up.
Girl: Uhh…don’t you think you should meet him first?
–Dyker Beach Golf Course
Overheard by: Lotte
Man on cell: So, my boss texted me and wanted to know about fleshlights…
–B train
Loud lady on cell: So you’re the one who sent me a text message saying, ‘A penis is the best breakfast because it has two eggs, a sausage, and milk’!
–Q25 bus
Chick on cell: You may have texted me about him, but because it was Halloween, I was too busy flogging dogs.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McF.
Plagiarist: … And he sent me a text message saying, ‘I guess I have to do your homework now, L-O-L,’ and I’m like, ‘What’s the L-O-L for? You think this is a joke?!’
–Baruch Collge, Newman Vertical Campus
Overheard by: I Am McLovey
Girl on cell: They were texting you from downstairs? Oooh, that’s gay.
–Starbucks, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Jenya
Dominican girl #1, over a Nextel Two-Way: Yo. What’s up?
Dominican girl #2 across aisle, on her own Nextel Two-Way: Nuttin’. What’s up with you?
Dominican girl #1: Are you going to Jimmy’s party?
Dominican girl #2: Yeah, are you?
Dominican girl #1, pressing talk button too soon: When are you going? [Dominican girl #2 didn’t get message and doesn’t answer, so #1 yells across aisle, without phone.] Quit boxing me bitch! [To herself] Fucking Dominicans.
–Queens-bound R train
Overheard by: Rich
Preggers: So, are you going to change your phone number?
Baby daddy: Probably.
Preggers: Well, then how can I tell you about the appointments and such?
Baby daddy: You have three of my e-mail addresses.
Preggers: It’s not my responsibility to e-mail you when all of this stuff is.
Baby daddy: But you were going to text me when they were? What the fuck?! [Walks away.]
–Times Square
Overheard by: Bastard children rule!
Chick #1: Oh my god! You have Sonic the Hedgehog on your phone?! I used to love his partner. What was her name? Oh, yeah, it was ‘Tails’!
Chick #2: Yeah, they used to call me that at my old job.
Chick #1: They used to call you ‘Sonic’ at work?
Chick #2: They used to call me ‘Tails,’ not ‘Sonic,’ motherfucker.
–L train
Overheard by: yooo nellehh!!!
Professor, as a cellphone rings in class: You can e-mail me and I can send you different bird calls for your ringtones. You can assign all your friends different bird calls! That’s just like what I have, except I have frogs.
Student: She’s not kidding…
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Mo + J Beck
