Wednesday One-Liners Will Leave You Spellbound

Man on BlackBerry: Yeah, it's about a freaking partnership. And there's no "I" in partnership.

–Washington Square Park

Subway announcer: There is a downtown b train approaching 96th Street. That is "b" as in "delta."

–86th St Subway Station

Manager, looking at display that has been knocked over: This place is trashed. T-r-s-h-a-e-d! Trashed! (awkward silence from employees) What? What did I say?

–Bed Bath & Beyond

Overheard by: Melissa

Theater tech guy on phone: So you're saying every time Sesame Street was brought to you by the letter "b," you cried? If that's the case, I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I offended you with a letter.

–50th & 9th

Posted on May 26, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Bosses, Clerks, Crying, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Stupidity, Subway Stations, TV, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Possibly a Fun Electrical Shock or Two

Tourist: Hey, what are you looking for down there?
MTA worker, walking with flashlight on the tracks: Rats!
Tourist: Really?
MTA worker: Nah, just track defects… and gold.

–6 Train

Posted on May 25, 2010
Animals & Nature, Clerks, On the Subway, Questions, Tourists, Weirdness

If One More Person Says That to Me Today…

Woman to cashier: Do you have a bathroom I could use?
Cashier: No, we don't have public bathrooms here.
Woman: It is harder to pee in New York than to see a gorilla doing the Watusi in Times Square at high noon.

–Times Square

Posted on May 24, 2010
Animals & Nature, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Offers and requests, Pee, Times Square, Women

Of the Sandwich Variety.

Girl: Can I have a breakfast sandwich?
Dunkin' Donuts employee: Yes, miss, what kind?
Girl: Breakfast.

–F Subway

Posted on May 14, 2010
Clerks, Customers, Food, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity

Your Editors Don't Even Want to Know.

Bodega clerk, following hobo outside: Why you runnin out my store like it's on fire? I know you!
Hobo: I know what'chu know.
Bodega clerk: I know what'chu know too, but I alto know that I know what you don't know I know.
Hobo: You ain't even be knowin what you know.

–Fulton St

Posted on May 8, 2010
Clerks, Fire, Hobos, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

…It's Taking Everything I Can Muster Not to Grab Your Ass Right Now.

Girl: There are six feet in that bathroom stall! You should check it out.
Employee: Do I look like a sex cop to you?

–Barnes & Noble, Union Square

Posted on May 7, 2010
Clerks, Cops, Girls, Questions, Sex, Store, Union Square and East Village

The “H” in “H&M” Stands for Hell, Ma'am

H&M employee: The manager will be here in 20 minutes.
Angry female customer: Look, I just want to return these pants here and I gotta go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna be urinatin' on the floor!

–H&M Store

Posted on May 2, 2010
Anger Management, Clerks, Clothing, Customers, Pee, Shopping, Store, Threats

Like “I Got Your Wife Pregnant, Vasectomy Boy!”

Male customer, walking in card store: Do you have any dirty cards? Like really dirty, nasty cards?
Sales lady: What do you mean… Like porno cards? We have…
Male customer: No, I mean something nasty, really nasty. Like really mean cards.

–Upper West Side