Guy: You remember those Lycra bicycle shorts?
Friend: No.
Guy: … From the mid 90s?
Friend: No.
Guy: Well they were really tight.
Friend: Ok.
Guy: I used to wear them when I was younger and be really embarrassed when I got erections in them.
Friend: I used to jerk off with my dad’s dirty magazines. I would wrap them around my dick.
–Churchill’s
Overheard by: Veggie2001
Middle aged theater-goer to teenage boy dressed as renaissance page: Are you a part of the performance?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: What?
Page boy: Nay, nay. Far from it.
Middle aged theater-goer: Then why are you dressed like that?
Page boy: I'm just an eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Oh.
Page boy: Someone has to play the part of eccentric patron.
Middle aged theater-goer: Well, good for you. High-five me, if that's not too far out of your century.
–Schubret Theater
Hipster guy #1: Dude, it's so cold…did you just pee your pants?
Hipster guy #2: I did. I peed my pants, everybody! I peed them!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: youknowme
Thug #1: So get this: I'm getting a haircut and this guy on a power wheelchair comes in, with a big ass fur coat and is like… “Who want da new Tupac CD?” I was rollin!
Thug #2: Only in Irvington, ma nigga.
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Adam Bixler
Lonely cat lady: Remember a few years back when I had ten cats? I knitted ten of these adorable little stockings for them, and I filled each one with catnip. Well, I never did that again!
Passenger: Why? Did they all freak out over the catnip?
Lonely cat lady: No, they didn't even appreciate all the work that went into it. They just ignored them.
–Midtown NJ Tranist
Female employee #1: Have you seen the “Save Darfur” shirts? I want one.
Female employee #2: No.
(after ten minutes)
Female employee #1: See? Here’s the “Save Darfur” shirt. I really want one.
Female employee #2: What’s that?
Female employee #1: “Save Darfur”.
Female employee #2: What?
Female employee #1: You know, in Africa, where all that genocide is happening…
Female employee #2: Oh. (pause) I love the color!
Female employee #1: Yeah.
–Dressing Room, Urban Outfitters, 72nd Street & Broadway
Overheard by: ewg
NYU Girl #1: I like that one!
NYU Girl #2: Are you kidding? It’s an abortion of a dress!
NYU Girl #1: I like it. I wish the government would pay for it too.
NYU Girl #2: No hope of that now.
–Window shopping on 6th Ave. & 8th St.
Overheard by: TankGirl
Overweight woman: “I honesty think there must be a shortage of fabric or material because all shirts are baby tees and all pants are to small and low on the hips, I dont get it”
— Manhattan
Bored Guest: When are we going to get out of here? Don’t tell me in two hours. I’d rather get out of here in three hours than in two hours. If I have to go over that bridge during rush hour, I’ll shoot myself and then jump. I’ll be falling with a gun to my head.
—Style Court Plaintiff Room
Little Girl: Mommy, why do people in New York always wear black?
Mommy: I don’t know. Maybe they just don’t like looking pretty.
–Upper East Side
