Asshole: I can’t believe I did that last night!
Asshole’s friend: What?
Asshole, pointing to unattractive girl walking by: That!
–Marymount College
Overheard by: KC
Girl on cell: But they’re, like, professional crackwhores!
–Bedford Park, Lehman College, the Bronx
Man: I never misled my mother. I did steal from her, but I was on crack.
–Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Chicago Guy
Girl: Did you see that movie Crackheads on Fire?
–14th & 8th
Lady: Now she’s a big shot. She used to be a crackhead.
–Au Bon Pain, 8th St
Overheard by: the guy buying the SoBe Green Tea
Woman: My name is Mrs. Williams*, and I am selling stuffed animals for the Happy Family organization. We believe in the sanctity of family and abstinence before marriage.
Queer: You’re talking to the wrong people.
Woman: Oh, you’re college students. I thought you were a Christian youth group or something.
–23rd & 5th
Overheard by: Brian R
Girl: I was like, “High school is over. I can’t wait to get away from everyone!” And then, thanks to you, I actually realized that I might miss some people. You, James*, Gabrielle*, Dave V.*, Karen G.*!
Guy: But all of us except James are going to St. John’s, and he’s coming here to Queens.
Girl: But Gabrielle is going to Jersey! Everyone knows that once you go to Jersey, your soul dies.
–Queens College campus
Overheard by: Peter G.
Desi kid #1: Shit I didn’t know Brooklyn was this advanced.
Desi kid #2: Isn’t that the Water Street dorm?
Desi kid #1: Oh yeah…
Desi kid #2: We didn’t quite make it off Manhattan, it seems.
–Water St
Overheard by: Innocenti
NYU chick: Oh my god, I think it was the worst night of my life. When they found me, I was passed out on the toilet with my pant around my ankles. I’d thrown up into them.
–Attorney & Houston
College queer #1, trying to squeeze into seat at crowded table: Oh god, I’m too fat!
College queer #1: No you’re not. Then I wouldn’t be your friend.
–All About Food, NYU
Overheard by: Pri
Frat boy #1: Did you see that?!
Frat boy #2: What?
Frat boy #1: That guy just fucked you with his eyes.
–12th & University
Overheard by: Eyefucker’s straight friend
Girl on cell: Ya know, it’s the smart people not having kids, or maybe having one or two. Its the uneducated that are reproducing more uneducated people. You know that 64% of kids born today are minority. We should build that fence bewteen us and Mexico.
–Ray Bari, 56th & 3rd
Very busy person: In class I start saying “African American” and then I’m like, fuck it, and I say “black black black…” I don’t have time to be saying “African American.”
–27th & 10th
Mean old New York lady: The hostesses in this place are so rude!
–67th & CPW
Overheard by: a hostess standing next to her
College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls….I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: Omar
