If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Race, Sports, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Army Recruiter: We’ve Got Your Dream Job

Male student #1: It’s not easy.
Male student #2: Nothing is easy. (pause) Some things are simple.
Male student #1: Oh, sure.
Male student #2: But nothing is easy. (pause) I have no idea where I’m going.

–NYU Campus

Overheard by: zelda

Posted on July 31, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Fears, Guys, NYU, Students

Which Cost Them the Cold War

White girl #1: Do you dance hip hop?
White girl #2: I'm too white for that.
White girl #3: I can dance and I'm white.
White girl #2: But you're Russian? Russian people don't have any black people.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Posted on July 30, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dancing, Default, Girls, Global Geography, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Questions, Race, White People

Like I Do When You Ask for I.D.

Girl: Is this tequila comparable to Jose?
Old wino: Uhh, ask Leonard, but be careful, he'll go on forever.
Girl: S'okay, I'll fake a seizure.

–Liquor Store, 53rd St & 2nd Ave

Posted on July 30, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, Store

Step by Step…Why Do We Know That?

Aaron: D’you remember that show when Duffy was married to Suzanne Somers?
Friend: (pissed) Aaron! Get it through your head, bro. I fucking hate Patrick Duffy.
Aaron: Who the fuck hates Patrick Duffy? That’s like hating the dad from Boy Meets World.
Friend: Are you fucking serious right now?

–45th & 3rd

Overheard by: AdHoculi

Posted on July 28, 2015
About Celebrities, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, TV

In Brooklyn? Your Editors Are Shocked.

Lady #1, pointing at imitation Cap'n Crunch: Get those, it's the same thing.
Lady #2: No, he won't eat those.
Lady #1: Well, then he's an asshole.

–Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on July 28, 2015
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Fakes, Food, Insults, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!

–Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

–168 & Broadway

Posted on July 28, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Creepsters, Education, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Home, Sweet Home, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Smokers & Smoking, The Village, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

I'm Talking to You, Tom Servo!

Long Island teenage girl #1: Yesterday the train was so much more crowded. You couldn't find a seat.
Long Island teenage girl #2: I found a seat yesterday.
Long Island teenage girl #1: Ugh! I don't want to sit next to creepy guys (pause) that make fun of us.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Non-creepy guy, that makes fun of them

Posted on July 28, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Public Transportation, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Eventually He Gave Everyone Numbers and Chose Out of a Bingo Tumbler

Homeless panhandler: Good afternoon, I’m homeless and I want at least one Asian to give me some change.
Black woman giving slight sigh of relief: Well that doesn’t include me! He don’t want my change then!

–F Train

Overheard by: WBR

Posted on July 27, 2015
Black People, Compare/Contrast, Default, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Panhandling, Race, Wishes & desires, Women

Compare/Contrast