Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down

NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt?

–50th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it…

30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock.

–Broadway and Waverly

Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth!

–Downtown 5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot!

–2nd Ave & St. Mark's

Overheard by: Joe

Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass?

–52nd St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cops, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Friends, Friendship, Kink, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Raise Your Hand If You Have Trouble Remembering Directions

20-something woman: Which of these trains goes to Exchange Place?
Cop: You gotta take this train to Pavonia, then transfer to one going to the World Trade Center, and that'll take you to Exchange Place.
20-something woman, after pause: Never mind. (exits station)

–PATH Train

Posted on August 10, 2010
Cops, Directions, Public Transportation, Questions, Trains Not Subway, Women

Why There's Never a Cop Around When You Need One: Explained.

Female cop: I'm not dealin' with you …
Man with dreadlocks: Go suck yo modas pussy!
Female cop: No, you go suck yo modas pussy!

–Bowery & 1st

Posted on July 30, 2010
Cops, Insults, Lower East Side, Men, Vagina

But the Gigolo Schools Won't Take Me.

Police officer: I thought you were in the Marines now.
Marine: Yeah, I ship out next week.
Police officer: I dream about having a job where I help people…

–Bagel Shop, Queens

Overheard by: Traczie

Posted on July 26, 2010
Clerks, Cops, Dreams, Jobs & Careers, Queens

Black Guys Running the Bases in a Suspicious Manner?

Little boy, pointing at NYPD helicopter: Daddy ! What's that?
Dad: That's a ghetto bird. (then to friends) Normally it's native to neighborhoods with a lot of black people… Wonder what it's doing here?

–Citifield Stadium

Overheard by: Matt F.

Posted on July 19, 2010
Birds, Cops, Dads, Friends, Kids, Queens, Questions, Race

Shirtless Man + Cops = Arrest

Shirtless man, loudly: Hey man, don't say anything, the cops are right there.
(another shirtless man hurries away)
Cop, arriving: (snickers)

–Union Square

Posted on July 2, 2010
Cops, Guys, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Brutality Exchange Program?

Girl, swatting at guy: Stupid, stupid! LAPD?
Guy: Ow! What did I say? What?
Girl: Why would the LAPD be in New York?
Guy: Oh.

–Five Points, Manhattan

Posted on June 26, 2010
Cops, Girls, Guys, Insults, Lower East Side

Um, Don't I Help Pay Your Salary?

Female Asian worker: Wow, so is it free then?
NYPD officer: Nah, it's nine dollars a head, babe. Ain't nothing free in New York, hun, when I come in here you don't give me no free fuckin coffee, do ya?

–Rainbow Cafe, Grand & Essex

Overheard by: mhopkins

Posted on June 24, 2010
Asians, Clerks, Coffee, Cops, Free stuff!, Lower East Side, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes

Now If You Asked Where the Meth Was…

Police officer: Where's the fire?
Cab driver: What fire? I'm not a fireman!

–JFK Airport

Posted on June 11, 2010
Airports, At the Airport, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Cops, Fire, JFK Airport, Questions

We Prefer “The Sittin' Squad,” But Yeah.

Suit, blocking newly vacated seat and motioning to young woman at other end of the car: Would you like to sit?
Older woman, closer to the seat: Who the fuck is he… The seat police?

–5 Train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Posted on May 10, 2010
Cops, Insults, Old People, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Suits, Women