Conductor on loudspeaker: Release the doors. Release the doors now!
Crazy guy, screaming: Release my nuts on your face!
–Queens bound E train
Overheard by: I hope its not my face
Conductor on loudspeaker: Release the doors. Release the doors now!
Crazy guy, screaming: Release my nuts on your face!
–Queens bound E train
Overheard by: I hope its not my face
Bus driver: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, I have an idea: the next stop is going to be Las Vegas! Vegas, y’all! Get out those cell phones and start calling your husbands and wives. Tell ’em you won’t be home tonight. Vegas!
–M103 bus
Overheard by: Tina
Bus driver: Everyone, please move to the back of the bus…Come on, people. I’m speaking English here. Move to the back of the bus so these people can get on. There’s nothing wrong with the back of the bus. It’s not scary. There are no monsters back there. You won’t get hurt. So please move back.
–Q12 bus, Main Street, Flushing
Overheard by: Jo
Bus driver: This is Westchester Ave. Here you can transfer to the 9 and the…uh…I don’t even remember. Hey, you back there! You look like Charles Bronson! You ever heard that?…Whateva. You know you look like Charles Bronson. And the world needs another Charles Bronson.
–Bx40 bus, E Tremont Ave
Overheard by: vegannramember
Crazy lady: Hooray! Jewish people!
Guy Wearing “Israeli Defense Force” t-shirt: Actually, I’m Catholic.
–60th & Madison
Greenpeace guy: Do you have a second for Greenpeace?
Woman: Meow.
–3rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: JJ
Old man, to man who has just sneezed on him: Fuck you, you shithead! Ya goddamn farthole!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Crazy guy: And I’m just gonna take a shit in his fucking mouth.
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
Old man, to dog: Shit already, damnit! Do you hear me?! Shit already!
–51st & 8th
Woman on cell: Yeah, my flight to Kansas City is delayed…Well it’s either this or back to the mental institution.
–Women’s restroom, LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: morgan from missouri
Scarecrow guy: You know, I’m pretty normal, for someone who’s completely out of control.
Woman: Right.
Scarecrow guy: We’re in different worlds now. I’m pretty Goth, and we’re trying to convince people we’re vampires. You’re a college grad. Different worlds, you know.
–LIRR
Overheard by: college grad’s friend
Crazy guy, yelling: Macaroni and cheese! [No one responds.] With chocolate mousse on top! [No one responds.] Mashed potatoes and gravy! [No one responds.] George Bush is bringing peace to the world through strength and diplomacy!
Woman: Shut up!
–uptown 6 train
Overheard by: the fashionatrix
College applicant: I want to learn how to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Okay, well, we don’t do that here — it’s a Criminal Justice college degree.
College applicant: But they told me I need to learn to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Who’s they?
College applicant: The aliens. You know, them.
Admissions rep: I see. Well, maybe you should go to the CIA.
–30th Pl & Thomson Ave, Long Island City
Crazy guy: Yeah, I don’t have to remember. I know. What are you looking at? I’m gonna kill you, you keep it up, I’m gonna kill you. I don’t need to be no CIA, FBI, Special Agent Man, whatever the fuck you got. I battle evil! I’m gonna kill you.
Man from window: Shut up!
Crazy guy: Fuck you. I battle evil! I battle evil every day. You’re a coward. I’m gonna blow up that building. I don’t like evil. I’m a peaceful man and I battle evil.
Man from window: Go away then.
Crazy guy: I battle evil!
–10th St between 1st & A
Overheard by: A guy trying to be invisible while standing right next to the crazy guy
