Indian guy: You better not buy me anything!
Slightly older Indian guy: Okay, I won't buy you anything. C'mon.
Indian guy: Where are we going?
Slightly older Indian: We're going to the dark alley.
Indian guy: The place I really like?
Slightly older Indian : No, the place I really like.
–138th St & Amsterdam Ave
Guy: I adore this cup so much I’m gonna make love to it.
Chick: You really are a sick bastard.
–68th & West End
Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’
–CVS, 42nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!
–Brooklyn-bound Q train
Overheard by: Incitatus
Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.
–MacDougal Street Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.
–Columbus Ave
Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!
–Water St dorm, NYU
Overheard by: michael
Black guy #1: No son, you’re cousins by marriage. It’s not blood, so it’s like you not even related. That shit doesnt count, son.
Black guy #2: Oh, for reals? So I can fuck with her and shit?
–F train
Overheard by: pearlywhirly
Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob…
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.]
–Myrtle & Carlton
Overheard by: Myrtle Resident
Dirtbag #1: I got her number for you.
Dirtbag #2: I don’t want it. If you give it to me, I’m going to throw it out.
Dirtbag #1: She was banging, and she had a sister. Is she banging?
Dirtbag #2: She looked good. Taller. Younger.
Dirtbag #1: We gonna take them to the movies and then to the hotel.
Dirtbag #2: Yeah?
Dirtbag #1: We gonna pull the camcorder out on that.
–Manhattan bound F train
Hobo, eating a chicken kebab: I want me some pussy. I don’t care where it’s from. I just really want me some pussy to fuck. I wanna make her pussy go (sticks tongue out of mouth) pfffffffff.
Girl on street: Alright. That’s enough.
–W 4th & Broadway
Overheard by: KTandSheila
Creepy guy, with buddy: Hey, do you girls live here?
Girl: Yes.
Creepy guy: Do you know where the main street is with all the little streets coming off it?
Girl: Uh…
Creepy guy: Do you know where we can get some coke?
Girl: Oh, go that way.
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Otto
Creepy guy: Hey! Excuse me miss, are you single?
Woman: Umm… why?
Creepy guy: Well, I want to have an interaction with a single woman, but I don't wanna get involved if she has a man in her life.
Woman: Well, in that case, I'm not single.
–Q Train
Headline by: JR
Runners-Up:
· “And I’m Not Really a Woman Either” – NonQ-Train Rider
· “And Then He Resorted to Blasting Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” Everywhere He Went” – patticakes
· “How Accountants Get Married” – Safe
· “It’s Like Prom All Over Again” – lisha
· “Shockingly, This Didn’t End the Conversation” – mac
· “Too Bad, ‘Cause I’m Really an Eccentric Millionaire” – PeterG
Letch: So, are you traveling for business or pleasure?
PYT: Neither, I’m going to see my mother.
–JFK Airport bar
Chick: So I said to him, “Your mom’s dead, so why don’t you chill with us on Mother’s Day?”
–Thompson & Houston
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
