Black man: Quit turning around and walk, bitch. I ain’t gonna rape you.
White woman turns around and walks a little faster.
Black man: You ain’t even my type! Too skinny! I like ’em big!
–Madison Ave
Black man: Quit turning around and walk, bitch. I ain’t gonna rape you.
White woman turns around and walks a little faster.
Black man: You ain’t even my type! Too skinny! I like ’em big!
–Madison Ave
Tourist: I want to have sex. I’m old enough!
–Outside Cold Stone Creamery, 42nd St
20-Something frat boy: Ya know, something tells me my wife hasn’t even been born yet…
–6 train, Astor Place
Overheard by: Al
Young woman: If I were a pedophile, I would be the best pedophile ever because nobody would suspect me!
–6 train
Overheard by: Innocent bystander
Man, trying on glasses: No, these make me look like a pedophile.
–9th Street Optical, 9th St between 5th & 6th, Brooklyn
Chick on cell: Yes, I got fired at my job! Yes, I got fired at Barely Legal! I got tired of playing Twister in my pajamas.
–Airplane, LaGuardia Tarmac
Overheard by: Judy
Girl: But can’t the police seize it if it’s a crime scene?
Logistical genius: If the police could seize a crime scene, no one in Brooklyn would have a house.
–Backyard barbeque, Fort Greene
Overheard by: inge
Female future-voter #1: Saddam should be tortured and cut up into pieces instead of being in jail comfortably.
Female future-voter #2: Wait, didn’t Saddam die of cancer a little while ago?
Female future-voter #1: Oh my God, did he? Are you sure?!
Female future-voter #2: I was sure, but now I’m not so sure.
Female future-voter #1: You know who else died recently? Aaron Spelling!
Female future-voter #2: No way!
–28th & Lex
Mom: Honey, don’t go that far! You’re making me nervous!
Boy: Mom, I never get kidnapped! [Keeps walking away] God!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Cappy
Lady #1: You need a school ID?…What the hell, let’s sneak in!
Lady #2: I’ve been thrown out of better places than Columbia!
–Outside Avery Library, Columbia University
Hispanic dude: Whoa, you better watch out. The cops will bust you for carrying an open container.
Hispanic chick: No they won’t. She’s white.
–N 1st & Bedford, Williamsburg
Overheard by: open container
Woman: Well, you can hire kidnappers, can’t you?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kerri
Guy #1: It’s never too early for public urination.
Guy #2: Didn’t you get a ticket for that once?
Guy #1: Yeah, but that was on the subway.
–11th & Ave A
Overheard by: luilya
Teen: This car is stolen.
Man: What the fuck you talking about?
Teen: I got a StolenCarReport on my phone about this car being stolen.
Man: Muthafucka, you about to get your phone stolen.
–Montague & Hicks, Brooklyn Heights
