Man #1: I feel like with this new Speedo shit it's unfair, they're all breaking world records. They should swim in the nude, so it's fair. Plus, you could see their dongs.
Man #2: Michael Phelps' dong! That's why I like basketball, because they all wear shorts and you can at least see a outline.
–The Abbey Bar
Overheard by: Robyn Stegman
(taxi honks horn, loudly)
Guy #1: Fuckin' asshole!
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up!
Guy #3 to friends: We should do that more often. Like, to firetrucks.
–57th & 8th
Overheard by: EthanK
Girl: Thank you.
Guy: For what?
Girl: For being you.
Guy: Can't you be more specific? I thank you for sex.
–24rd St & 3rd Ave
NYU dude: You can’t flirt. That’s you’re problem.
NYU chick: Whatever. I have wit and charm. You’ve got a picture of Tom Hanks over your bed.
–NYU
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
Excited college kid #1: Dude! We are totally going back there!
Excited college kid #2: Definitely.
Excited college kid #1: Hash, ‘shrooms, a shitload of pot… We are getting fucked up this weekend and then we’re going back there for more!
Excited college kid #2: Yessssss.
–Bleecker & Sullivan
Overheard by: wondering where there is.
Texan teen #1: Look! Look over there!
Texan teen #2: Where?! I don’t see it! What?! [Texan teen #1 points to man playing keyboard and singing.] Ohhh my god! He’s singin’! Cooool! Wow! God!
–Port Authority station
Loud guy: I can turn my dick into a Whopper with fries!
–MacDougal Ale House
Overheard by: Ladle
Small Indian boy: Penis! Penis! [His mother scolds him in Hindi.] … Penis!
–47th & 5th
10-year-old boy to friends: … And then he drew, like, three penises! And then I had to get home in, like, three and a half seconds!
–11th & 3rd
Overheard by: Hannah
Suit to another: Jesus Christ! It’s not my fault your penis drips!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Sydney
Dude to friend: Let’s think of words that rhyme with ‘dick.’
–49th & 7th
Pre-med chick: We had this cadaver in lab that we called ‘Schlongo’ because his penis was a foot long. No, seriously, it was really a foot long!
–Bodies Exhibit
Overheard by: a.j.w.
College kid: They should put up a question on the big screen that says, ‘Who fucked up the playoffs two years in a row for us: A) Number 13, B) ARod, C) Alex Rodriguez, or D) All of the above?
Friend: … Or maybe Kevin Brown.
Man in front of them: The future ain’t what it used to be…
–Yankee Stadium
Drunk customer: What kind of drunk return policy do you have?
Cashier: It’s a 14-day return policy.
Drunk customer: That’s not much of a drunk policy. Most guys get drunk and wake up next to women they regret the next day. Me? I wake up next to Dostoievsky and Dickens after a bender. I love New York!
–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope
Overheard by: Random
