Black guy #1: Lady, don’t sit next to that man, he’s got aids, motherfucker.
Black guy #2: Who you talkin’ bout aids? I went to prison for ten years and I don’t have no aids. Peace, brother.
Black guy #1: I tell you he got aids, motherfucker!
Black guy #2: Peace, brother, peace.
Black guy #1: Aids, motherfucker!
–PATH Train
Man #1: You have a girlfriend?
Man #2: Yes.
Man #1: She knows you're gay?
Man #2: Yes.
–Financial District
JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.
–Cosi, E 8th St
Conductor: All tickets… Ticket, please.
Drunk pirate guy: I, uh… I don’t have any money… Uh [unintelligible slurring]…
Man nearby: Hey, conductor, ask for the fare in doubloons, or pieces of eight!
–Eastbound LIRR
Overheard by: Alex
Little girl: Daddy, daddy, will you buy me some Easter candy?
Father: No, sweetheart. We don’t celebrate Easter–we’re Jewish.
Little girl: But mommy buys me Easter candy!
Father: It’s not my fault your mother has abandoned her principles.
–Times Square
Man: Hi.
Woman: Hey.
Man: What's your name? So I can tell our grandchildren we met on the C train!
(woman walks away)
–C Train
Overheard by: Jen
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
Little girl: Mommy, mommy, look, that doggie is pee-peeing on the sidewalk!
Mom: Yeah, just like daddy last night.
–St. Mark's Place
Overheard by: suzz
Girl #1: And then he said that when he sees people, he likes to picture what kind of dog they’d be. Apparently I’m a Golden Retriever, and he’s a German Shepherd, and those breeds just don’t mix.
Gril #2: That is fucking messed up.
Girl #1: I know! He is so delusional! And he would so not be a German Shepherd.
Girl #2: No. (long pause) I wonder what type I’d be.
–Starbucks, 103rd & Broadway
Pilot (after landing plane in New York): American Airlines welcomes you all to foggy Ottawa, and we hope you had a pleasant flight.
Everybody on plane: Huh? What!
Pilot: Whoopsies, I mean New York City, JFK. (under his breath but still audible) I should drink less.
–JFK Tarmac
Overheard by: seat 32B
