Tourist: Huh, I could have sworn he'd be here!
Cop, looking around: Can I help you, miss?
Tourist: Yeah, I'm looking for a guy.
Cop: Okay?
Tourist: Should be wearing tighty whities…cowboy hat.
(cop sighs, pointing to his left)
Tourist: Thanks!
–Times Square
Girl #1: I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Girl #2: I did…but I was drunk so I blocked it out.
Girl #1: Horrible mistake.
Girl #2: Yeah, I regret it.
Girl #1: Good fuck, though. Big dick.
Girl #2: And that's all that matters.
–Brooklyn Heights
40-something Spanish woman to 15-year-old son: What kind of a retard are you? You're just like your father!
(son looks around nervously)
Father, standing next to her: Wait, what?
–Canal & Centre
Overheard by: Einstien
Girl #1: Here's a picture of the guy I hooked up with this weekend. God, I can't believe I hooked up with a Bulgarian…
Girl #2: Wait. That's him? I was expecting a colored person. Is Bulgaria not in Africa?
–Penn Station
Boyfriend: I don't want to go to your house cuz there is no privacy.
Girlfriend: Well, I don't want to go to your house cuz it's too open…you have like 700 people living there and they walk in and out as they please.
–3 Train
Cop: You can't go this way.
Driver: Shut the fuck up, asshole.
Cop: Tell it to your wife, buddy.
–17th & 2nd
Country gent with thick drawl: I need tickets for two seniors and two adults, please.
MTA booth worker: Okay, where you goin?
Country gent with thick drawl: My son's house.
MTA booth worker: What train station?
Country gent with thick drawl: I dunno, does “Hartford” sound about right?
–Harlem 125th Street Metro North Station
Cranky old guy: I used to get so goddamn pissed at that old rat bastard Frankie. Sometimes I wanted to snuff him out. He was a good dude, though, y'know?
Old buddies #1 and #2: Word!
–Bergen St, Brooklyn
Loud girl: I'm not gonna move in with him until he gets rid of that damn dog! I'm not gonna let him pull a fast one on me. I'm not commuting two hours to work while that dog lies around the house all day. Hell no! He better get that damn dog euthanized.
Tired-looking, quiet older woman: Sounds like you got him all figured out.
–6 Train
Hipster girl: What's that?
Salvadorian guy: My benefits card, like food stamps. You could get one!
Hipster girl: Really?
Salvadorian guy: You should! We could barbecue non-stop! For free!
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: anyabelisle
