Conductor (over PA system): Make sure you pick up all your belongings… If you have small children, be sure to take them by the hand before leaving the train. Thank you for riding New Jersey transit, and have a great day.
Jersey girl (to suit): Now see, I don’t have children! They haven’t thought these announcements through.
–NJ Transit
Woman getting haircut: So it all began when I was dating an Italian underwear model…
Hairdresser (after a short pause): Yes?
Woman: He was the worst fuck of my life!
–Institu Salon, 19th & Irving
Chick: Oh yeah, my grandmother was a prisoner in Auschwitz with Elie Wiesel.
Dude: That’s ballin’
–Brooklyn F Train
Homeless man to passengers: If you ever have any leftover food or drinks or whatnot, you can bring them to me at this address. (hands out business cards)
Suit: Umm… How'd you get the money to print out business cards?
Homeless man: Kiss my ass, give me that card back!
–6 Train
Overheard by: Christine
[Patrol car flashing lights at curb. Small group of high-schoolers corralled against wall]Police officer: So what happened –what did you see?
Sharp teen: No hablo inglés.
Officer, in perfect Spanish: Entonces, que pasó? Qué viste?
Smart teen: No hablo español!
–85th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Christopher Stone
Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dandruff. I need to like get rid of it because I can never wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Except I have crotch dandruff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snowing.
–A Train
Overheard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?
Guy: … And you know, I could be, like, the dude that videotapes it.
Chick: I told you already, I don’t even like girls!
Guy: Yeah, well, I’d kind of like it better if you did.
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: voidoid
(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it’s okay, I want one. It’s okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this isn’t going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!
–Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia
Overheard by: CaitlinisNewHere
Four-year-old boy: You're so mean to me, mama!
Mom: Yeah, I get that all the time.
–Commodities Natural Market, 10th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Richelle
Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don't think…
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn't even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.
–NJ Transit
