Tourist dad: Who’s that over there?
Tourist mom: That’s Yasser Arafat.
Tourist dad: Yasser Arafat? He sure is fat.
Tourist daughter: Kind of looks like Dad the time he put that towel over his head.
–Madame Tussaud’s, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Celeste Pietrusza
Foreign girl: How is your puffy friend?
American guy: What?
Foreign girl: You know, the puffy! (hold out her hands to indicate fatness)
American guy: Oh, yeah, he's good.
–89th & 2nd
Overheard by: Tom
Guy: You ever try Kopi Luwak?
Girl: No, who is he?
Guy: It’s not a he, it’s the world’s most expensive coffee.
Girl: That’s not the coffee that’s made from cat shit, is it?
Guy: It’s not made from cat shit.
Girl: They pick the beans out of the cat shit.
Guy: Sort of.
Girl: So that posers like you can drink it.
Guy: You don’t understand the concept of gourmet.
Girl: Maybe not, but I understand the concept of eating shit.
–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Student, explaining a baby carrier he made: In order to make sure it would hold the weight of a baby, I tested it with an Absolut vodka bottle.
Professor: You should have brought that in too. I think I have tonic in my bag.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: dontyouloveartschool
Drunk #1: That girl’s got legs up to her lunchbox.
Drunk #2: Yeah, but there ain’t a lot of protein on them bones.
–Fred’s Bar, South Bronx
Chubby girl #1: See the girl in this James Bond poster? If my face got a little skinnier, that haircut would look hot on me.
Chubby girl #2: I'm not sure your face will ever be that skinny again…
–E Train
20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.
–Bowery
Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor
20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation
Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.
–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!
–Columbus Circle
Girl: Yeah, like I mean, I would definitely say that I was in the best shape of my life when I had my eating disorder.
Guy, after long pause: Uhhhhh… at least you're honest!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Rachel
Woman #1, bumping against woman #2 in stairs: Relax!
Woman #2: You relax!
Woman #1: No, you relax!
Woman #2: You relax!
Woman #1: You have a fat ass!
Woman #2: You need to accept Jesus into your heart!
Woman #1: You have a fat ass!
Woman #2: Accept Christ into your life!
–Yankee Stadium
Fag: Women have life so easy.
Hag: I know, life is like served on a plate to women but they're on a diet so then they pick out all the good stuff and push the plate to the side.
Fag: Too bad the diet doesn't do anything, cause they're still fat and complaining.
–Wendy's, 57th St
