Diet/Weight

I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Big Girls: Yeah, Hope You Enjoy Lunching on Your Own Spit

Skinny girl #1: Do you know bridal salons only carry dresses in small sizes, so bigger girls have to, I don’t know, close their eyes and imagine what the dress would look like if it could zip?
Skinny girl #2: Seriously?
Skinny girl #1: Some day somebody’s going to come out with a design line for fat girls, and they’re going to make a killing.
Skinny girl #2: Bridal Barn.

–Century 21, Financial District

Mine’s Named Parasite Hilton

Guy: I was watching a special where Maria Callas lost all her weight with a tapeworm.
Bimbette #1: Having a tapeworm is, like, my dream.
Bimbette #2: Oh, it’s easy to have a tapeworm.

–East Williamsburg

Overheard by: mike

C’mon, You Know I’m on the Cocaine and Celery Diet

Girl #1: Ow! Why does it hurt in my vein right here?
Girl #2: Maybe there’s something stuck in it.
Girl #1: Stuck in it?! Like what?
Girl #2: I dunno, butter?

–Union Square

The Difference Between a Kirstie and a Kardashian

Guy, trying to sneak past chubby girl behind counter: You gettin' fat?
Chubby girl: I ain't fat, I'm a fat-ass. There's a big difference.

–W 103rd St & Broadway

Why All the Hot Ones Are Crazy

Queer #1: I need to lose some weight for the summer.
Queer #2: When I was in the hospital I lost 10 pounds in three days. What you need is a good trauma to get you started.

–Houston & Sullivan

Overheard by: endo

With a Little More Drool and a Lot More AIDS

Tourist dad: Who’s that over there?
Tourist mom: That’s Yasser Arafat.
Tourist dad: Yasser Arafat? He sure is fat.
Tourist daughter: Kind of looks like Dad the time he put that towel over his head.

–Madame Tussaud’s, West 42nd Street

Overheard by: Celeste Pietrusza

I Believe He Goes by “Mr. Magic Dragon” Now

Foreign girl: How is your puffy friend?
American guy: What?
Foreign girl: You know, the puffy! (hold out her hands to indicate fatness)
American guy: Oh, yeah, he's good.

–89th & 2nd

Overheard by: Tom

Like Everybody Who Works for a Living

Guy: You ever try Kopi Luwak?
Girl: No, who is he?
Guy: It’s not a he, it’s the world’s most expensive coffee.
Girl: That’s not the coffee that’s made from cat shit, is it?
Guy: It’s not made from cat shit.
Girl: They pick the beans out of the cat shit.
Guy: Sort of.
Girl: So that posers like you can drink it.
Guy: You don’t understand the concept of gourmet.
Girl: Maybe not, but I understand the concept of eating shit.

–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

…And Limes, and Stirrers, and Rocks Glasses

Student, explaining a baby carrier he made: In order to make sure it would hold the weight of a baby, I tested it with an Absolut vodka bottle.
Professor: You should have brought that in too. I think I have tonic in my bag.

–Parsons School of Design

Overheard by: dontyouloveartschool

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