Wednesday One-Liners, Have You Called Jenny Yet?

Drunk baseball fan: My friend — he’s a fat fuck! I’m gonna call him and tell him how fat he is!

–LIRR to Shea Stadium

Fat lady to tiny lady: Move your fat ass!

–Manhattan-bound 6 train

Overheard by: Dr. Seuss Tat

15-year-old fattie: If it wasn’t for my huge boobs, I would just look fat.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Andy

Recent high school grad: She put on a lot of weight. Doesn’t she look fat in this picture? [Friend just stares.] It’s her eyes.

–Queens Blvd

Queer on cell: Well, there’s cute-chubby and hopeless-chubby… No, I’m not gonna tell you which one you are!

–88th & Amsterdam

Loud fat lady, during silence after curtain fall: Ew, that’s gross! Eat that…

–NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Evan

Posted on May 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

…If He Knows What’s Good for Him

Loud girl #1: I don’t wanna go, what if I cheat on my boyfriend?
Loud girl #2: Whatever, he won’t care. He’s fat, he’ll get over it.

–Outside Pace University

Overheard by: Aaron

Posted on May 3, 2015
Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, Relationships, School, Students, Wishes & desires

Down to Literally Eating the Bark Off a Tree

Scraggly teen boy: Are you still a vegan?
Scraggly teen girl: Yeah, I’m still a vegan, except I ate a cinnamon roll today. But, you know, it happens.

–1/9 train

Overheard by: Amanda Nazario

Posted on April 29, 2015
Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, On the Subway, Teens, Vegetarian & Vegan

…to Relax Our Throats.

Girl #1: Oh my god, I would never buy a foot-long hot dog. I mean, really. Who would buy one?
Girl #2: (silence)
Girl #1: No girl should eat one, and no guys will, either. You know what I mean?
Girl #2: I guess. They're higher in calories, but whatever. Eat less later.
Girl #1: No. I mean, a girl can't be seen eating a foot long hot dog. Neither can a guy. I mean, think about… blowjobs!
Girl #2: Oh! Well, so what? If I'm hungry and it tastes good, who cares? I don't care if you're thinking I'm chomping down on a foot-long cock. And, what, you haven't sucked a 12-incher before?
Girl #1: No… Do you want Bud or Bud Light?

–Concession Stand, CitiField

Posted on April 23, 2015
BJs, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Height, Junk Food & Fast Food, Queens

…of Babies.

Second grader #1: Hey, is your mama having a baby sister?
Second grader #2: No, she just likes to eat a lot.

–Schoolyard, Brooklyn

Posted on April 19, 2015
Brooklyn, Diet/Weight, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Students

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

NYU JAP on phone to mother (enraged): Ugh, mom! No! Wearing seasonally inappropriate outerwear will not make me sweat and lose weight!

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Maeve

Woman in line with friend at Duane Reade, reading can of energy drink: Wait. There's carbs in here? Like bread carbs? Carbs are bread, right? Cause when people go on, like, a low carb diet, they don't eat any bread, right? But I still don't understand why there's bread in here. Whatever. It doesn't even taste like bread.

–Duane Reade

10-year-old kid to friend: So you're a year older than me, but you're 20 pounds lighter? That's fucked up.

–Christopher St & Waverly Place

Overheard by: sharknife

Girl: You know how some people are social drinkers? I'm a social eater.

–NYU

Overheard by: ninja z

Asian fashionista: Yeah, I think I'm like a size 12 in boys.

–Conde Nast Building

Overheard by: jackattack

Loud guy on cell: Actually, I can't be bulimic anymore because I have no gag reflex. I've been sucking too much cock.

–34th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Alis

Posted on April 15, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Duane Reade, Family Ties, Fashion, Fashionistas, Food, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, JAPs, Kids, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Students, Stupidity, Sweat, The Village, Times Square, Weirdness, Women

And She Probably Didn't Know 'til He Told Her

Girl #1: He told her she was too fat?
Girl #2: Yeah, he broke up with her.
Girl #1: That's terrible!
Girl #2: Well, she did get kind of fat.

–Nail Salon, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: Rachel

Posted on April 14, 2015
Breaking Up, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Diet/Weight, Girls, Physical appearance, Questions, Store

I Think There’s a Small Child Trapped in My Back-Flab

Ghetto chick #1: Yo, how come people keep leaving but we’re still fucking crushed in?
Ghetto chick #2: It’s ’cause we’re fat, bitch.

–Rockefeller Center

Posted on April 11, 2015
Default, Diet/Weight, Ghetto Chicks, Gripes, Questions, Rockefeller Center

Almost as Sexy as Guys Who Cut Themselves

Girl #1: How can you like Peter? He’s completely crazy.
Girl #2: Yeah, but he’s like…eating disorder hot.

–Columbia University

Posted on April 8, 2015
Beauty, Bimbettes, Columbia (& Barnard), Diet/Weight

What with the Puffy Belly and the Begging for Food

Teenager #1: Oh my god, she is like way too skinny.
Teenager #2: Yeah.
Teenager #1: I mean, don't get me wrong, I love way too skinny, it just doesn't look good on her.
Teenager #2: Totally.

–Atlantic Avenue Station

Overheard by: Nina

Posted on April 5, 2015
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Default, Diet/Weight, Physical appearance, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens

Diet/Weight