Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I'm trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol.
–Lafayette Ave & Broadway
Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares!
–Prospect Heights
Overheard by: Michael Barthel
Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking.
–F train
Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year.
–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Scott Hoffman
Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…”
–A train
Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat.
–Fine Fair, Avenue C
Overheard by: Catechist
Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we?
–6 train
Overheard by: Chris Mohney
Weird hobo: Ladies and gentleman, I am a disabled Vietnam vet. I'm asking help from all of you so I don't wind up on the streets. While in Vietnam, I was exposed to Agent Orange, which caused me my disability–I became a vegetarian.
–Downtown 3 Train
Overheard by: An Amused Former Vegetarian
Aging hippie to woman spouting PETA propaganda: I've been a vegan for 30 years. You're embarrassing me. Why do you do that?
–F Train
Overheard by: AeC
Guy: Yo, I'm vegetarian now, I don't eat no meat, but man I love that chicken. That chicken just keeps comin' back to me!
–Manna's
Overheard by: eatinginharlem
Crazy-looking woman on bench: Oh my gosh, I was totally a vegetarian yesterday. Like literally, I ate no meat.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Meat Eater
Clueless 20-something female: Do you have another menu? I'm a vegan.
–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, 31st St
A kid is trying to get bubblegum off his face.
Kid #1: Yo, you know you can use an ice cube to get that off.
Kid #2: Where the fuck am I supposed to get an ice cube now? Besides, how’s that gonna help?
Kid #1: Dumbass. When the gum is cold it’s not sticky anymore. Haven’t you ever chewed gum in the shower?
–Uptown 6 train
Overheard by: Bert
Old man looking around and spotting banner for pasta store: Paaaasssttttaaaaaa…
Old man's wife, happily: Pasta! That says pasta!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: I prefer pizza
Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Laura
Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!
–147th & St Nicholas
Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.
–45th & 8th
Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Laura
Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up!
–Bloomingdale's
Guy, sniffing at a box of bolts: Wow, these smell like Twizzlers!
Box owner: Well, they are from Germany.
–Metric Building, Hawthorne
Overheard by: not surprised at all
20-something male tourist #1: Dude, there are so many restaurants around here.
20-something male tourist #2: Weird.
–46th St between 8th & 9th Ave
Old white husband: What are lamb chops?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for dinner all the time.
Old white husband: What are they?
Old black wife: I used to buy them for you!
Old white husband: I don’t remember, tell me what they are.
Old black wife: They’re like pork chops, but made out of lamb.
–D train
Overheard by: daniela
Woman: We've got snacks in the office, if you like. It's very convenient having Costco nearby.
Man: Oh, that's great! I just recently discovered BJs with my girlfriend.
–Sunset Park, Brooklyn
