Food

Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver to woman with pizza: Lemme…uh…have that pizza. (woman smiles awkwardly, thinking it's a joke) I wasn't kidding. Lemme have that pizza. (woman holding a bag of cookies gets on bus with child)
Heavy-set and sweaty bus driver: Oh, lemme just…uh uh…have one of these…uh uh…cookies. (takes cookie)
Small Asian woman (taken aback and extremely confused): What? You can't take these.
(bus driver stuffs cookie in mouth and ignores woman)
(later)
Bus driver, on PA: Lady, these are some good cookies.

–Uptown Bus to Met from Port Authority

Ghetto girl #1: I had like four pancakes this mornin’.
Ghetto girl #2: You mean like those little bagels?

–34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Brian Hamill

Girl: And sometimes I just don't like seafood, you know?
Guy: Sometimes, I just don't like you.

–67th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Liz

Hobo: Anyone got any gum? (silence) Pay me in candy!
Conductor: Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, 59th Street will be our final stop due to a power outage.
Hobo: Don't be sorry, feed us.

–A Train

Drunk guy: Yo, you bein’ stupid!
Sober guy: Yeah, but you’re drunk.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I am drunk! But you bein’ stupid! Come to my house — 123 Broadway! I’ll feed you! I got food! I got food! I will feed you all the time!
Sober guy: You’re drunk. Shut up.
Drunk guy: I am drunk. I will feed you! I love this train and everyone in it! Amen!

–Q train

Female suit #1: God! These people are so, so, annoying!
Female suit #2: Totally. There are too many persnickety people in this world.
Female suit #1: Persnickety people!
Passing hobo: Exceptional cheese!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alicia Morris

Preppy girl #1, in orgasmic voice: Candy-covered chocolate uggs!
Preppy girl #2: Shut up, Tiffany!

–M79 Bus

Overheard by: Fresca P.

Hobo: Hey, does anyone have some spare chicken?
Girl: Ha, ha, “chicken”? Sorry, I only had room for one rotisserie in my bag…and this one’s for me.

–L train

Overheard by: diana

Mom about baby crying in stroller: Ugh, I gotta go feed him.
Friend: You want me to do it?
Mom: Um, I breastfeed.
Friend: I could give it a whirl.

–Washington Square Park

Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days.

–3rd between B & C

Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience.

–124th & Manhattan

Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer

Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Squatporpoise

Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys.

–NYU School of social work

Overheard by: Maggie