Foreigners

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Take Home to Mom

20-something gal: I didn’t really like him, I just wanted a boyfriend.

–Fulton & Gold

Overheard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne

20-something girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight.

–Remsen & Clinton, Brooklyn

Flamboyantly gay man (to himself): He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Liz

French woman, earnestly: I’m okay with him sleeping with my boyfriend as long as he starts paying for his own drinks.

–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster bike punk: I call her my special lady friend and she calls me her gentlemen caller… because boyfriend and girlfriend are too possessive.

–Mud Bar, East Village

Overheard by: raf

Did You Feel As Dirty As I Did When He Said “Tastebud Sensation”?

Old british man, to liquor store employees: Have any of you ever tried this beer?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Nah.
Old british man: Oh, it’s a splendid Belgian stout, very sweet. It’s my absolute favorite variety of Belgian beer. You should try it sometime. It is absolutely divine, a tastebud sensation the likes of which I can guarantee you’ve never known. Well, have a great night, chaps. [Pays for his beer and walks out.]Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Yo, dog, you hear that guy’s accent? You think his accent was real?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: Nah.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: I don’t think so, either.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: It couldn’t have been real. You hear that guy? He ain’t from no foreign country. He spoke perfect English.

–Liquor Store, Manhattan

Overheard by: daile

God Save the Burger King

British teen: Look Mum, it’s Wendy’s.
British Mom: Thank God, now I know where we are.
British teen: But it’s not the same Wendy’s as before.
British Mom: Then we’re lost.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Tina Marney

British guy #1: I can’t wait to go home!
British guy #2: Why’s that?
British guy #1: I never noticed before I came here that there is a sense of security in knowing 100% that the person behind the counter can tie their own shoelaces.

–Times Square

Without DNA Tests, the Second-Best Way to Determine Ethnicity Is Ass Size

Teen boy #1: Nah, nigga, she can’t be Spanish. She too skinny.
Teen boy #2: She’s Spanish, yo.
Teen boy #1: I tell you, she ain’t from Spain. She’s from Europe. She has a Euro-sounding name.
Teen boy #2: Maybe she’s Mexican.
Teen boy #1: Yeah, she could be Mexican.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Heather

He's a Margaret Chow

Old man, hitting on two Asian girls as his dog walks up to them: Are you Korean?
Asian girls: No.
Old man, about the dog: He loves Koreans.

–Mornigside Park

Overheard by: Chrissy

It's Easier to Celebrate Birthdays Above Ground

Girl to guy holding paper with Haiti headline: Oh my god! That is so ironic, coz yesterday, it was like, Sara's birthday… and she's totally Haitian.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Dana

France

In Williamsburg:

Hipster #1: People in France are so fucked up.
Hipster #2: Not all of them. Only 20%.

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse to Go to the Outer Boroughs

Foreign taxi driver: If you know anything, you find job in New York. If you know nothing, you drive cab.

–Upper West Side

Cab driver to woman who just cut him off: Hey lady, learn how to drive! Go back to Park Slope!

–28th & Park Ave

Overheard by: natasha

Crazy drunken taxi driver: Do chicken wings cause pregnancy?

–West Side Highway

Overheard by: amalthya

Smelly cabbie to patrons: Oh, the smell! That is just fish water. Someone threw fish water all over my cab. That is the stink.

–48th St & Lexington

Overheard by: anon

Turns Out She Wanted to Eat at Subway.

Foreign hottie #1: Hello. Where is the subway?
Random girl: What subway?
Foreign hottie #2: Any subway.
Random girl: Well, where are you going?
Foreign hottie #1: The subway.

–2nd Ave & 1st St.

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Wednesday One-Liners Click “It’s Complicated”

Chick: It’s about your cyber personality, and if your cyber personality doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me on Facebook, that’s okay!

–NYU Hayden Staircase

Coed: I don’t know… if Sheryl* with the two kids by the two different baby-daddies can have a good MySpace, I think pretty much anyone should be able to do it.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: ImmaculatePizza

Hipster girl: It looks like MySpace exploded in there!

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Cassie

20-something girl: So, the quadriplegic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Facebook last night.

–Chipotle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, really.

–Near Holland Tunnel

Overheard by: Claire H.

Angry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not changing my Facebook status!

–6th & Ave A

Overheard by: Kremilyse

30-ish woman: I said I wouldn’t date him ’til he gets rid of the typos on his MySpace profile… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: ball-and-veining tool

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