We Heart Wednesday One-Liners, Now More Than Ever

Guy to friend: Oowee! Some weed and a perm! That's my perfect New York day.

–West Village

Overheard by: Joe

Conductor: Step in, stand clear…let's go New York!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ashley Nelson

Intoxicated creepster: Are we in Manhattan? What the hell! This city is so full of New Yorkers!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Lizzzzz

Bitter man on subway: I think one summer here would cure them of any love they have for this town.

–1 Train

Passerby to surprised-looking wife, watching fight: They're fighting. It's New York, that's what people do in this city.

–City Hall

Overheard by: ascorbique & almost famous

Grinning paramedic to female tourist in shock, strapping her to backboard after she was struck by a car: Welcome to New York!

–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Mateo que Feo

Posted on July 5, 2015
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Conductors, Couples, Creepsters, EMTs, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Gripes, Guys, Love, Men, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, West Village

Of the Blue-Footed Variety

Adult friend: Your mommy just had a baby! How is Jack* doing? Does he have a lot of bottles?
Little girl: No, just boobies.

–Economy Candy, Lower East Side

Posted on July 5, 2015
Babies, Default, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Lower East Side, Questions

Have I Got a Skank for You

Guy #1: I think I’m done dating girls that people have heard of.
Guy #2: Duuude.

–Barnes & Noble

Posted on July 5, 2015
Dating, Friends, Guys, Pickiness, Players, Promiscuity, Store

We've Both Agreed to Raise a Spitter

Father-to-be: So my wife won't give me head no more.
Friend: Why? Just cuz she's pregnant?
Father-to-be: Yeah. She keeps saying anything she eats the baby eats, and she don't want it eating my jizz.

–N Train

Overheard by: bill

Posted on July 4, 2015
BJs, Cum, Dads, Friends, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Stupidity

From London

Columbia student: And I might get a job at Scotland Yard.
Friend: I don't know what that is. I just moved here a few months ago.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on July 3, 2015
Cops, Default, Friends, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Students, Stupidity

What’s That in Straight Guys?

Guy: I’m the only guy here.
Girl #1: But Moses will be here soon. Wait, that won’t change things.
Girl #2: Yeah, he’s more like half a guy.
Guy: Half a gay guy.

–Manhattan bound F train

Overheard by: Julz

Posted on July 2, 2015
Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, On the Subway

Reader Poll: Should Jack Be Worried?

20-ish girl: Jack is going to Vegas for a bachelor party Friday. Should I be worried? What really happens at those things, anyway?
30-ish guy: It depends. The last one I went to was pretty low-key, but I’ve been to plenty of crazy bachelor weekends with strippers and a double-ended dildo.
20-ish girl: That’s it?! I’ve been to tons of parties with strippers and dildos. That’s not that crazy.
30-ish guy: When’s Jack back?
20-ish girl: Sunday.
30-ish guy: I think I might have a party Saturday.

–Union Square

Posted on July 2, 2015
Friends, Questions, Rumor Has It, Union Square and East Village

Your Editors Aren't Eating Pizza in Brooklyn 'til We Sort This Out

Friend: Where's that pizza from?
Stroller dad: Tony's*.
Friend: Oh, Tony's*.
Stroller dad: Yeah. We named our rabbit Tony*.
Friend: Because it poops all the time?
Stroller dad: Yeah.

–Bar, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Posted on July 2, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Dads, Friends, Names, Pizza, Poop, Questions, We Love Our Pets

Shh! We Haven’t Annexed Them Yet

Businessguy: …and then she said, “Let’s meet up in Barcelona next weekend.” Like that’s close!
Businesswoman: You have bonus miles though, don’t you? Plus, you need a vacation anyway, so why not?
Businessman: I’d rather have her come visit me on American soil, like we could go to Montreal for the Grand Prix maybe…

–70th & Lex