Girl on cell: You know, you ought to cancel your July 4th party and make it happen on July 16th so I can crash…What do you mean, July 4th only happens once? July 16th could be July 4th. Just buy some illegal fireworks, put on some American pops orchestral music, and barbeque some chicken, and there you go…I’m sure our forefathers were still celebrating on July 16th. They were probably wasted off of their asses!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Megan C.
Guy: So you started drinking young?
Girl: I started drinking at 11.
Guy: Wow, really?
Girl: I was smoking at 9.
–F train
Overheard by: Vito Delsante
Girl #1: Well, tomorrow is the Philharmonic in Central Park.
Girl #2: You wanna go?
Girl #1: Well I do, but I have my brain MRI.
–William street
Girl #1: He was a great cook.
Girl #2: All the lunatics are, my dear.
–Vermicelli, 78th & 2nd
Pretzel guy: Where are you from?
Man: I’m from here…I’m Jewish.
Pretzel guy: All Jewish people know where pretzels are from! What country do pretzels come from?
Man: I don’t know, where do pretzels come from?
Pretzel guy: All Jewish people know where pretzels come from! I had a Canadian guy last week, I told him, “If you can tell me where pretzels come from, this one is free!” He told me, and I gave him his money back! He was Jewish. Come on, where do pretzels come from? All Jewish people know this!
Daughter: We’re not observant.
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: elise
A guy and a girl are sitting on one side of the train, talking. Another girl is sitting across the train.
Girl #2: Stop confusing her.
Guy: We’re not confusing her, we’re making fun of you.
–R train
Girl #1: Oh my god, I wonder what language was that?
Girl #2: That was English.
–Broadway between 101st & 102nd
Chick: Wait, so what’s Scientology?
Mom: A religion based heavily on aliens.
Chick: …no.
Mom: Yeah. And you thought I was weird.
–Brighton Beach
Overheard by: Selenay
Girl #1: He went in for the hug, but tried to kiss my cheek.
Girl #2: He tried?
Girl #1: Yeah, but he sort of missed. He kissed my lady sideburns, instead.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sue
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
