Girls

Chick: I’m afraid of birds, so I go to the bird store next door to sort of get over it, you know? So I was down there today and there was this lady there who owns one of the birds, and she was saying how it bit her in the lip, and she lost feeling in her finger. That makes me think…they really are evil!

–Office, E. 33rd Street

Man on cell: Hello. Yes, this is the squirrel from the park. Please
come back to the park, I’m not in the park but I’ll be there soon.

–23rd & 6th

College girl: I always associate double-parking with shrimp.

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein

Hispanic girl: Yo, butterflies is scary!

–B train

College girl: Yeah, my mom was watching this commercial about kitty litter where there was this cat who said, “Yeah, and then they go and do the thing…” Wait. I mean, that’s not what the cat said. I’m just paraphrasing.

–Starbucks, 67th & Columbus

Girl #1: I just got the best internship ever! I’m so excited.
Girl #2: That’s great! Where is it?
Girl #1: I’ll be working at the Momma Museum; I’ve always wanted to work there.
Girl #2: What’s the Momma Museum?

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: lauren s.

Chick #1: He has to know.
Chick #2: Well I am human.
Chick #1: He can’t expect that you won’t. I mean, if you move in together. Come on.
Chick #2: I’ve been taking these things call Senna Tabs.
Chick #1: Are they good?
Chick #2: They’re awesome.
Chick #1: I’ve been having the worst time of it
Chick #2: Here, I’ve got some with me. Try one
Chick #1: It won’t work immediately right? I’ve got some shopping to do.

–F train

Overheard by: Dave Chambers

College girl #1: Ooh, bubble tea. I’ve never tried that. I see signs for it everywhere.
College girl #2: I think it’s chai tea but with little balls of tapioca.
College girl #1: Like tapioca pudding kind of tapioca?
College girl #2: No, like…they’re bigger. They’re blobs and they’re kind of black.
College girl #1: No way.
College girl #2: Yes way. Someone at school dumped their leftover bubble tea in the toilet on the first floor of my building, and they didn’t flush.
College girl #1: So that’s how you knew the balls, the blobs, were black?
College girl #2: Well, yeah. It looked like an octopus had a miscarriage.

–44th between 7th & 8th

Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls.

–27th & 7th

Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard.

–9th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh

Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Carrie

Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything?

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Joyce Shen

Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.

–Columbia

Overheard by: djlindee

Fat chick: I said excuse me!
Fatter chick: Ya, well, you were up my ass for the last 5 minutes.
Fat chick: Ya I want to be up that fat ass!
Fatter chick: Shall I follow you to Queens? Shall I? Some of us can afford to live on 60th Street.

–59th Street station

Black chick: Yeah, I broke my sister’s knee with a baseball bat.
White chick: Wow, me and my sister had some bad fights but your’s top all our fights. You must really hate each other.
Black chick: No, I did it out of love.
White chick: What do you mean?
Black chick: My sister’s in the Army Reserve. They called her unit up to go to Iraq. I hit her on purpose so she wouldn’t have to go. I had to hit her twice to make sure her knee was broken.

–Tillary Street, Downtown Brooklyn

Teen girl: This one’s kind of cross-eyed.
Teen guy: They’re porn star action figures. What do you want?
Teen girl: I want them to be just as hot as the real thing…and I want them to be glistening.

–Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Place

Asian girl #1: Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?
Asian girl #2: Cedric the Entertainer.
Asian girl #1: Yeah, he might have been in The Cookout.
Asian girl #2: Oh my God, that’s so racist. “Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?”
Asian girl #1: Well, you knew who I was talking about!

–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Aisha Moore

Guy: It was hot, I can’t even tell you.
Girl: So you guys slept together?
Guy: Oh yeah, it was hot.
Girl: ’cause I talked to her this morning and she said you guys just cuddled and stuff.
Guy: Yeah, yeah, that’s what I meant by sleeping with her. Y’know, spooning and shit.

–MetroTech Commons