From That Day on Conan the Vegitarian Was Never the Same.

Guy: Hey, do they have vegan food here?
Girl: No, you have to rip the meat apart with your bare hands and then fuck some bitches.

–NYU Dining Hall

Headline by: Spazzy

Runners-Up:
· “After Dinner, We Invade the Roman Empire” – billsburg boy
· “And Then You Lose Your Veganity…” – Stick
· “Most Aggressive Lunch Lady–Ever” – #5 in line
· “NYU Also Provides Us with Spears and Roofies.” – presents
· “NYU’s New Wildly Popular Caveman Dining Unit” – Naked Lunch
· “Unless You’re Patrick Bateman and Want to Reverse Those” – KateNonymous
· “We’re All Lesbian Cavegirls in College” – Dariclone

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on April 12, 2015
Girls, Guys, Headline Contest Winners, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vegetarian & Vegan, Weirdness

Monkey: Homey Don’t Play That!

Girl, after seeing an ad for “escape from chimp eden”: Oh, I want a monkey! I’ve always wanted a monkey!
Friend: Like, as a pet?
Girl: … Or a homie.

–133rd St & Frederick Douglass Blvd

Overheard by: Nathalie

Posted on April 11, 2015
Animals & Nature, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Questions, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

But That's My Best Quality!

Guy: You should've sat at my end of the counter. I'm rich and well hung.
Girl: You should've sat at my end. It doesn't turn people into assholes.

–Metro Diner, 100th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Beeeej

Posted on April 11, 2015
Girls, Guys, Insults, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

M4M Wednesday One-Liners

Teenager: Do you know where the Gay Pride Parade is?… I’m not gay!

–Astor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your office was wearing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his penis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You really think she’s into gay guys?

–NYU

Guy, pointing to gay hipster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” written in hair.

–Peculier Pub, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a matter of being gay or not, darling. I just won’t let you participate in your school play.

–Broadway

Girl: Well, I couldn’t really sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The only redeeming fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Flamboyant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m going to do in health class today? I’m going to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Posted on April 11, 2015
BJs, Clothing, Education, Fag Hags, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hair, Hipsters, Kids, Moms, Office politics, Queer guys, School and studying, Sexuality, Singing, Students, Teens, Theater & Dance, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners

That’s Not What You Said on the 1 Train

Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.

–7 Train

Posted on April 11, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Dads, Default, Girls, Kids, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Believe

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

Posted on April 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Kids, Makeup, On the Subway, Questions, Science, Starbucks, Stupidity, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

…I Was Flashing Him the Whole Time!

Girl #1: Oh my god! Did you see that? He flipped me off!
Girl #2: Well, duh! You ran in front of his car.
Girl #1: So?

–Union Square

Overheard by: sam

Posted on April 10, 2015
Cars and Driving, Girls, Insults, Union Square and East Village

Unless It’s an Apparition Doing the Molesting, Like That Hot Scene in Ghostbusters

Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: if walls had ears