Girls

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Believe

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

…I Was Flashing Him the Whole Time!

Girl #1: Oh my god! Did you see that? He flipped me off!
Girl #2: Well, duh! You ran in front of his car.
Girl #1: So?

–Union Square

Overheard by: sam

Unless It’s an Apparition Doing the Molesting, Like That Hot Scene in Ghostbusters

Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: if walls had ears

But I Guess Baggers Can't Be Choosers

Young woman: Dude, you forgot your purse at my house!
Flamboyantly gay man: It's not a purse, biatch, it's a satchel.

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: anna

You Should See How I Dance in My Music Video!

Blond chick: I think, like, great artists are always awkward.
Random Indian guy: I'm not awkward.

–Bleecker b/w 6th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: catsandgnomes

It's So Hard to Feel Alone When You Have the City

Girl on cell: Hey, where are you?
Chorus of old Hispanic men, in unison: I'm right here, baby!

–Lorimer Street, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Holly

Maybe if it was, your father would finally want to give me an orgasm

Daughter: But mom, I don’t like the chicken.
Mother: Sorry, honey, not everything can be McDonald’s.

Headline by: Snowy in Seattle

Runners-Up:

· “Hates the chicken, but loves the cock” – Humberto

· “Hookers on “Take Your Daughter to Work Day”” – Krisztina

· “Just give George Bush one more term…” – Noh

· “M.A.F.D.- Mothers Against Fat Daughters” – L Friz

· “McDonlads is the only thing that doesn’t taste like chicken” – Babakganoosh

· “So shut up and eat the rest of your Meow Mix” – remark


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Real Thieves Don’t Get Caught

Spanish chick #1: Some people are so stupid.
Spanish chick #2: You know what I’m saying?
Spanish chick #3: I’m studying psychology with a friend of mine and he said that this kid he knows got caught stealing but–get this, right?–the kid said he is not a thief he is just a kleptomaniac.

–Clothing store, 106th & 3rd

Overheard by: pimsluer

They Might Accidentally See Their Reflection

Skeevy vendor to girl purchasing sunglasses: Here, I polish for you.
Girl: Oh, thank you.
Skeevy vendor: You pretty girl. I polish for you. For ugly girls -never.

–St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

I’m Sure the Reenacting Didn’t Help

Black chick #1: So you didn’t get the job?
Black chick #2: Nah, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have told them I drank when I was younger. I really didn’t drink.

–26th & 7th

Overheard by: max

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