Wednesday One-Liners Get Outsourced

Guy: This is like waiting in a breadline in Russia.

–Long line to get into Magnolia Bakery

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on cell: I got sexually molested by a teenager in Turkey!

–11th St & 2nd Ave

Chick: Huh. Lot of Egypt.

–Egyptian art wing, the Met

Overheard by: Rhian

Girl having to throw away beer: That’s so sad — think of all the sober children in Ethiopia.

–Brooklyn Brewery

Overheard by: Eelco

Girl to boyfriend: What did you do today? Oprah probably fed a small country.

–13th St & 2nd Ave

Lady giving friend reindeer hat: Isn’t it great? I’m sure some Pakistani kid went blind making it, but y’know…

–Fancy restaurant, West Village

Overheard by: lbw

Black kid pointing at shirt: This shit is gangsta! It’s from Japan!

–The Gap, Times Square

Posted on February 7, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Global Geography, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

… Alamo. You Know, Texans. Bang, Bang!

Chick: Where are you from?
Male employee: Mexico. Where are you from?
Chick: Iran.
Male employee: Where?
Chick, simulating gunfire: Iran. You know, terrorists. Bang, bang!
Male employee: Oh. Yeah.

–Chipotle, E 8th St

Posted on February 5, 2007
Foreigners, Global Geography, Restaurants & Cafes

Wednesday One-Liners Fail English? That Unpossible.

Crackhead girl talking to old pimp: I don’t know why for she call you… Just to be talkin’ shit… You know how I be is…

–Bed-Stuy

Vassar student: If I spoke France fluently, I’d be there right now!

–West 7th & Avenue T

Man leaning into friend’s car window: Nah, she aight… Nah, she aight… Nah, she aight. [Sees a guy across the street] Hey, man, you aight? Aight… Nah, she aight…

–150th & Macombs

Black woman: He coulda played for the Bears, he coulda played for the Jets, but nothing never stucked.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: off white

Earnest student giving presentation: I was going to talk about Freud, but I decided he was tangenital to the discussion.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: She wasn’t kidding, and no one laughed

Artistic hipster wannabe: Also, not to get too psychoanaliterature…

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Overheard by: Benjamin

Thug: Yo, nigga, don’t make me yo’ escapegoat!

–4 train, Bronx

Overheard by: charles elliot

Posted on January 31, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Education, Global Geography, Gripes, Languages, Psychology, Race, Sports, Stupidity, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Wishes & desires, Words

Um, Saratoga? — Hellooo, It Was Ancient Rome!

Teacher: Where was the Battle of Saratoga fought?
Student #1: South America?
Student #2: No, you idiot, it’s in Russia!

–NYC High School

Posted on January 27, 2007
Global Geography, Students, Teachers/Professors

Well, No, Obviously Not That

Guy: You know Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, right?
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Well, you called it a country.
Puerto Rican girl: I’ve just got pride like that.
Guy: What, pride about being American?

–F train

Overheard by: Alison

Posted on January 21, 2007
Global Geography, Government, On the Subway, Puerto Ricans, U.S. Geography

And It’s Hot As Hell There!

Woman #1: It’s hot as Haiti in this store.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Isn’t it supposed to be hot there?
Woman #2: I think you mean ‘Hades.’
Woman #1: No. It’s a place in the Caribbean.

–Banana Republic, 42nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Not Haitian

Posted on January 6, 2007
Customers, Global Geography, Heat, Idiots, Nicknames & name calling, Store, Stupidity, Women, Words

Or at Least about the Eiffel Tower

Queer #1: So, what is this movie about?
Queer #2: Gael Garcia Bernal moves to Paris and starts having some weird dreams.
Queer #1: Of an erotic nature?
Queer #2: I certainly hope so.

–Angelika Film Center

Overheard by: queer_number_3

Posted on January 5, 2007
About Celebrities, Dreams, Global Geography, Movie Theaters, Movies, Queer guys, Questions, Sex, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Still Celebrate Columbus Day

Jersey lady pointing at a French bulldog: Look at this face! He’s adorable! He looks Italian!

–26th & 7th

Overheard by: sara n.

College chick: You were born in Italy? That’s awesome… Speak some Italy for me. Wait, that’s what you speak, right?

–Classroom

Drunk yelling at a pizza shop: Who the fuck are you? You’re fucking Mexican! You’re not Italian! I’m Italian!! I make the fucking pizzas in this town!

–Bedford and N 7th St

Overheard by: Actually I’m from Equador

Guy: I feel like I’m at a dry-cleaning convention that is being shaken down by the mob.

–Korean-Italian wedding

Overheard by: Retarded Quarterback

Old lady with a cane: My father is Jewish and my mother is Italian, and I am in therapy.

–Lower Manhattan