Guy #1: …So he killed himself.
Guy #2: Wow.
Guy #1: Yeah. But at least he gave her gonorrhea first.
–Palladium elevator, East 14th Street
Guy #1: …So he killed himself.
Guy #2: Wow.
Guy #1: Yeah. But at least he gave her gonorrhea first.
–Palladium elevator, East 14th Street
Store employee over loudspeaker: Attention shoppers. The time now is 9 pm. This store is now closing, please bring all your items to the front register.
Loud guy in the back: I don’t want to go home!
–238th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Mandy
White trash girl, looking out of bus window: Look at Ed*. He looks like a fucking lumberjack. He needs a shave.
White trash guy: That Ed* -he’s a fucking crackhead.
White trash girl: I thought he smoked pot?
White trash guy: Crack, pot -what’s the difference?
Hipster guy sitting behind them: Excuse me, I’m Ed*’s best friend. He’s definitely a pothead. He never does crack. But he does look like a lumberjack.
–Q54 Bus
Guy: This place has some really cool stuff.
Girl: (silence)
Guy: But I feel like it mainly has stuff for girls.
Girl: (silence)
Guy: Yeah, so do you know any good bars around here?
Girl: (silence)
Guy: Do you not speak English?
Girl: Oh! You were talking to me?
–Bedford Ave
Guy #1 discussing recent State of the Union address: So, one person takes a drink every time he says ‘America,’ and the other person takes a drink every time he says ‘Iraq.’
Guy #2: Whoa…
–24th & 6th
Overheard by: erin
Conductor #1: Grand Street next, right?
Conductor #2: What?
Conductor #1: Grand Street is next, right?
Conductor #2: That’s what I said.
Conductor #1: Okay, just checking.
Guy: Watch we stop at DeKalb.
–D train
Obnoxious comedy club promoter: You guys like comedy?
Guy with voice like rolling thunder: No! No! No! (awkward pause) But thanks anyway.
Obnoxious comedy club promoter, stunned: That was aggressive.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Those guys get annoying!
Guy: Dude! It’s the guy who took over Factsheet 5!
Girl: Who?
Guy: Factsheet 5! It was a zine about zines.
Girl: Who?
Guy: Stop saying “who”! Factsheet 5 is not a person!
Girl: What?
–Park Slope
Trying-too-hard dude: You are so funny I can't believe you're single.
Already jaded 20-something chick: I am a 25-year-old girl wearing a Batman t-shirt to a bar in Soho, is it really that implausible?
–Soho
Guy #1: Wow, did you see that rat? Where did it come from?
Guy #2: It came out of nowhere, just like my herpes.
–Prince Street & 6th Ave
