Wednesday One-Liners Take a Stab at It

Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.

–Barnard College

Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!

–Brooklyn Tech HS

16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.

–The Beacon School

Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.

–Dojo Resaurant

Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…

Posted on November 5, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jocks, On Cell, Queer guys, School and studying, Stab, Teens, The Village, Threats, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Weirdness, Women

…It's Enough That We Both Love Grosse Point Blank

Cute girl to guy she went to high school with: We should totally hang out! I mean, I have no idea who you are, but…

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Posted on November 5, 2014
Dating, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Weirdness

And She Looks a Lot Shorter in Person Than She Did in Mean Girls

Guy #1: Is this Broadway and Houston?
Guy #2: Yes. I think we're in SoHo.
Guy #3: No, this is just Ho.

–Broadway & Houston

Overheard by: NewYorkerNick

Posted on November 5, 2014
Directions, Guys, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, Questions, Soho

“It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”

College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Noemi

Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.

–5 Train

20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: M

Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.

–Lower East Side

Posted on November 5, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blue-collar workers, Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Global Geography, Guys, India Indians, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Sorority Girls, Starbucks, Travel, Trees and plants, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Will One-Liner Anything That Moves

50-something actress: I'm one of the founding sluts.

–Chelsea Studios

Overheard by: Joshy Sweetpants

Guy on cell: That's what I said: I fucked him, but I'm not attracted to him.

–81st & Columbus

Overheard by: Flooey

Adorable seven-year-old kid on bike: She liked it. Ashley liked it. Ashley's a whore.

–Havemeyer & 2nd, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Nathalie & Noah

Girl on cell: Well, I'm in a different place now. Now I'm a slut.

–W 4th & 6th Ave

Teenage girl on cell, beaming, as if she just had a revelation: Oh, I forgot you're a whore! (yelling triumphantly) You're a whore!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Emilia

Posted on November 3, 2014
Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Sex, Street, Teens, The Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

That Tiger Balm Heals Everything

Asian guy: If I’da been white, they would have let me in. White people suck.
White guy: White people don’t suck; clubs suck. I try to limit myself to venues that always let me in, but still encourage easy white women to come too. So far, I have yet to get an STD that can’t be cured.

–F train

Posted on November 3, 2014
Asians, Bars & Clubs, Guys, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Subway stations, platforms, etc., White People

A Meeting of the Spring Street Young Republicans Club

Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.

–Spring & Varick

Posted on November 2, 2014
Gender issues, Guys, Movies, Relationships, Soho, Stupidity, Wishes & desires

There's No Wednesday One-Liners Like Show Wednesday One-Liners

Festering pedestrian: Well, he didn't mention my name at the Tonys, and for that I'll never forgive him.

–43rd St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Ryan

Producer of an unsuccessful off-Broadway play: That's what this show makes me do. Everyday I get here and just squeeze my neck just like this, I just squeeze it. I don't do this anywhere else.

–Chelsea Theater

Overheard by: Kyle

Audience member to friend: Of course it sucks. It's Shakespeare.

—Macbeth Performance, Battery Park

Hipster guy: I think this play is by the same guy who wrote Ten Things I Hate about You

–NYCL Production of Shakespeare's Cymbeline, Central Park

Overheard by: digamma

Hipster girl: Last time I was in the third row, but I think I like these better. At least I won't get my head humped tonight.

—Hair Performance, Delacorte Theatre

Teenybopper at intermission: Joe Jonas would make such an incredible bodega guy!

–Richard Rodgers Theatre

Posted on October 31, 2014
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Body Parts, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Teens, Theater, Theater & Dance, Weirdness

Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners

Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: John Galt Jr.

Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: nova scotia

Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.

–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Amber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: mela

Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Scientific

Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Posted on October 31, 2014
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fashionistas, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Madison Square Garden, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Panhandling, Penn Station, Questions, Rich people, Security Guards, Store, Street, Students, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, White People, Women

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

50-something Long Island woman, showing pictures of her dog while talking non-stop about it: And this is Cici wearing a hat, she usually wears a hat when she goes out. And this is Cici, very drunk…

–LIRR

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Guy on cell walking a tiny poodle: Dude! The dog did it again. (pause) No, I swear, dude. The. Dog. Did. It. Again. (pause) Dude! This dog talks. Talks.

–Broadway & 43rd St, Astoria

(little girl finishes petting a stranger's dog)
Girl's mother: Now say "thank you" to its human.

–Central Park Lawn

Hyper tween schoolgirl: Hey mom, remember when we brought the dog to the mall and he peed in a coconut?

–La Pallette, 12th St

Guy to friend: I love her more than anything, but something about the way her puppy's paws smell really seal it.

–Rosa's Pizza, Penn Station

Overheard by: Craig

Posted on October 31, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Central Park, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, Kids, Love, Man's Best Friend, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Sensory Experiences, Trains Not Subway, Trees and plants, Tweens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Guys