Girl #1: Dreadlocks are so dirty. How do you wash them?
Girl #2: My friend told me about this guy she knew whose dreads were so dirty that one day he found a scorpion in them.
Girl #3: Are you sure it wasn’t just lice?
Girl #2: No, it was a scorpion.
Girl #4: Well, wait, where was he from?
Girls #1, #3, and #4, together: Jamaica?
–41st & Madison
Overheard by: Scorpions are creepy
Female coworker: So, does your son have dark hair like you?
Male coworker: No, he has sort of sandy hair — like a cross between me and his mom, Lisa.
Female coworker: Oh.
Male coworker: But, you know, he has big nipples like Lisa.
–NJ Transit train
Guy#1: I don't even know why I like this girl. She has no tits, she's fat, and she has a mustache.
Guy#2: Are you in love with Mr Belvedere?
Guy#3: Can't be. Mr Belvedere has tits.
–2nd Ave & 6th
Overheard by: John
Jamaican man, talking to himself: At the next stop I'm going to be white with blue eyes and blond hair.
Trashy, red-lipsticked middle-aged white woman with blue eyes and blonde hair: I can tell you from experience it's not all that.
–Downtown N Train
Overheard by: veronica
Creepy guy: So, how much hair do you have up there?
Fuzzy-haired chick with hair in a bun: Yeah, if I don't braid it at night, it's all…
Creepy guy: Ho, I like it. I want to crawl in and make a nest there.
Fuzzy-haired chick: Yeah, that would be cool.
–The Strand
Overheard by: stephie
10-year-old tourist kid: Mom, is Brooklyn famous for its graffiti?
–Coney Island-bound D train
Overheard by: BB
White guy, pointing: Over there in Brooklyn three-year-olds just, like, walk around!
–Delancey & Essex
Overheard by: Red Hair
Guy walking through bar: What’s with Brooklyn and beards?
–Union Hall, Park Slope
Overheard by: jasonjason
Guy: Brooklyn is the middle borough in terms of goodness.
–Kosher Delight
Thugette to double decker tour bus: Brooklyn! Brooklyn! You’re taking a tour of Brooklyn! I just got out of jail!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Staying on the bus….
Metrosexual: Have you gone to that hair salon I told you about?
Scruffy artist: I walked by…
Metrosexual: It’s beautiful.
Scruffy artist: I can’t go in. It’s too hipster.
Metrosexual: No! It’s anti-hipster.
Scruffy artist: Well, I can’t do the cultural math.
–Ft Greene apartment building lobby
Bimbette: Oh my god, and he totally had pubes all over his bed–
Irritated chick, interrupting: –What the fuck? Why the hell do you care if he had pubes all over his bed?!
Bimbette: … I… Uh…
Irritated chick: Just shut up, bitch.
–Macy’s
Dancing queer #1: Your hair looks like you put your finger in an electrical socket.
Dancing queer #2: And yours is receding. And here we are.
–Fire Island Pines
Overheard by: Another Dancing Queen
