Hobo: Can you spare a quarter?
Young female Brit on phone: Just a sec, Mitch* (turns to hobo) what is it?
Hobo: A quarter, can you spare a quarter?
Brit: A qua-what?
Hobo: Twenty five fucking cents!
Brit: Here, have your quarter. No…in fact, take a dollar, go get pissed, or do crack. Or weed. Whatever you…
Hobo (interrupting): Actually, I was thinking sushi tonight.
–29th & 6th
Taxi driver to colleague: Man, you know I don’t smoke that marijuana. How could you say that? It doesn’t do anything for me. So, I smoke crack. [turns to a young woman with bags] Want a taxi?
Young woman: No, especially if you smoke crack.
Taxi driver: It doesn’t matter what I smoke. If you can’t afford a taxi, just say that. Don’t insult me.
–In front of the Pathmark on Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Mother: You were a jerk for years.
Son: No, I was a cokehead. There’s a huge difference.
–F train
Overheard by: Shaun Laika
Fashionista: Yeah, one time I thought I took, like, 96 bong hits, but then I realized that I wasn’t inhaling.
Boyfriend: What about the time you ate thirty mushrooms and applied to Morgan Stanley?
Fashionista: Haha, I know! Who would have thought I’d have gotten that job?!
–Bowery Bar
Guy #1: Dude, are you rolling on E, man? High five!
Guy #2, slowly with eyes closed: High five my face.
–F train
Overheard by: Jane
Buddy #1: Did you see Forest Whitaker’s speech at the Golden Globes? He won Best Actor. I’m almost positive he was on crystal meth. He was, like, stuttering and his eyes were tearing up.
Buddy #2: Maybe he was emotional ’cause he won the award.
Buddy #1: [Long, reflective pause] Yeah… Maybe that, too.
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: Wubba
Guy #1: Dude, I would never do heroin, that’s so whack.
Guy #2: What do you mean? It’s got, like, nine vitamins in it!
–E train, 34th St
Overheard by: Jatmos
Guy: If I can be a good crackhead, I can be a good Christian.
–A train
Girl: I think that guy is waving to me.
Guy: That’s a streetlight. Maybe you shouldn’t have eaten that third piece of paper.
Girl: I can’t wait ’til vegoose.
–South Street Seaport
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
