Wednesday One-Liners Have a Permit for That

Woman: So he wakes up trippin’ in the middle of the night, telling me to go get him a gun.

–Queens Blvd & 82nd Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Conductor: This is an express train. Express. Express. Express. No Fordham, no Bronx. Express, express, express. Well…I wanna shoot myself!

–Metro North train

Overheard by: Jeff

Man: Hey baby, nice body … Get fat and I’ll shoot ya.

–Classon Ave & Lafayette Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sheila

Hobo: My grandma isn’t here anymore to send me to the store to buy her a Colt 45, but I can still love Jesus!

–Uptown 3 train

Overheard by: jane shields

Ghetto guy: Man, my boy just got shot!

–Stanton St & Orchard St

Overheard by: Kris

Thug: A gun? You gotta shoot that bitch with a crossbow.

–L train, Lorimer Ave

Posted on November 8, 2006
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Brooklyn, Conductors, Hobos, On the Subway, Queens, Shoot, Threats, Thugs

Funny how ‘Bitch’ Is Worse than Mother Sex

Hobo: Fuck you, you shits, you fucking assholes. I’m going to fucking kill you! Fuck you! Fuck you bitches! Fuck you and your mothers!
Queer #1: Oh no. No you did not just call me a bitch. You crazy homeless fuck.
Queer # 2: Mhm, get sassy on this bitch. Bitch deserves to be homeless. He should just shut his mouth and keep it movin’.

–Sheridan Square

Posted on November 7, 2006
Anger Management, Hobos, Manhattan, Moms, Murder, Names, Parents, People, Places, Queers, Sex, The Village, Topics, Violence

Hobos Are Excellent at Adapting to the Cuisine of the Local Fauna

Suit on cell: So, what do you want to eat?
Hobo: I’d like some shrimp lasagna, that’s what I want to eat!

–Wall St

Posted on November 7, 2006
Food, Hobos, On Cell, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

It’s the Foundation of Janeane Garofalo’s Stand-up Act

Hobo: I’m tired of your bullshit.
Girl: Me, too.

–E 14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Angie

Posted on October 29, 2006
Comebacks, Girls, Hobos, Insults, Union Square and East Village

Damn It, Do I Have to Clean up and Get a Job to Prove You Wrong?

Hobo: Never give up! Don’t you ever give up!
Teen: But why even try? Everyone loses in the end!

–St. Marks Place

Posted on October 28, 2006
Hobos, Homeless, Philosophy, Teens, The Village

No Thanks, I Was a Bitch at the Office

Hobo: Spare some change?
Woman: Sorry, I don’t like homeless people.

–96th St & Broadway

Posted on October 26, 2006
Biotechs, Hobos, Insults, Money & Class, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

At the Anarchist Physicist Convention

Hobo #1: It’s the motherfucking Law of Thermodynamics.
Hobo #2: Fuck you.

–57th & Lex

Overheard by: Ray Kugler

Posted on October 22, 2006
Hobos, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Science, Weirdness

It’s Funny, That Never Worked for me in College

Hobo #1: I am not celibate!
Hobo #2: Yo, man, get over here!

–3rd Ave & 11th

Posted on October 19, 2006
Hobos, Pick-up Lines, Union Square and East Village

Seven Months Later, she Complains About Having to Step Around the Amniotic Fluid to Get to the Door

Hobo woman: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for…
Non-hobo man: Oh, hell no!
Hobo woman: … for interupting you during your trip. I’m homeless…
Non-hobo man: I’m homeless, too! Shut-up!
Homeless woman: And I’m two months pregnant…
Non-hobo man: You ain’t pregnant! You just fat! Sit-down and shut-up!

–F train

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Posted on October 19, 2006
Anger Management, Assholes, Diet/Weight, Hobos, On the Subway

Christian Science By Proxy

Singing hobo: I’m gonna praise Him! I’m gonna thank Him in His naaaame!
Dude #1 gives the hobo a dollar.
Singing hobo: Thank you. God bless you.
Dude #2: Dude, my balls still hurt.
Dude #1: Did you take anything?

–Northbound N

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Posted on October 14, 2006
Christianity, God, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Medicine, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, People, Places, Private Parts, Religion, Topics