Hobo: You’re all a bunch of cheap people!
Conductor: This is Myrtle Avenue, Wyckoff Avenue. All the cheap people are getting off here.
–M train
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Hobo: You’re all a bunch of cheap people!
Conductor: This is Myrtle Avenue, Wyckoff Avenue. All the cheap people are getting off here.
–M train
Overheard by: Cait O’Connor
Chick #1: Oh, look! That guy totally just whistled at you.
Chick #2: Uh, that’s a hobo.
Chick #1: God, you’re so judgmental. I bet he’s just a free spirit.
Hobo: [Twitches and screams unintelligibly.]
–Union Square
Crackhead: Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not here to bug ya’ll, but I am here to ask you for some money. If you ain’t got money, I’ll take food.
Girl: You can have my lunch.
Crackhead: What you got there?
Girl: Steak, rice, and beans…
Crackhead: No, baby, I’m worried about my cholesterol!
–4 train at 149th
Hobo: You got any change?
Girl: Sorry, I only have twenties.
–D train
Overheard by: still laughing
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
–C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
–Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
–55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
–L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.
–58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Hobo to unconscious friend: Yo man, let’s get some coke! I don’t be playing, let’s get some coke! [Two minutes later] Psssh, ain’t no such thing as a good kid. All them fucked up. Yo man, you look like Barry White. Anyone ever tell you that? [No response.] Stupid. [Reaches into his plastic bag and pulls out a clown mask which he puts over his face.]
–LIRR waiting area
Overheard by: pretending my train just arrived
Prep #1: I can’t believe he cheated on her! That sucks!
Prep #2: I know. It sucks so bad, it’s practically ridiculous. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
Hobo: I can! The Holocaust!
–42nd and Broadway
Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores — I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You’re just a mean whore.
–Bedford & 6th St
Overheard by: Overheard in New York is based on that very concept
Hobo: I need you to stop here. I need to get off and wash my pants. There has been a sexual release in my pants!
–Lenox Ave bus
Headline by: Dan
Runners-Up:
· “And That’s Why I Was Late” – chronically tardy
· “Bussed a Nut – Crosstown Excitement Goes A Block Too Far” – Matt G.
· “Dishonorable Discharge” – Jim C.
· “Economically and socially disenfranchized people say the darndest things” – Emma
· “MTA’s new “Request-a-Stop” and handjob feature” – Jobee
· “Marvin Gaye’s retarded half-brother” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “Meanwhile, at the auditions for ‘Speed III'” – shawn doney
· “Milton Misses Yet Another Meeting of Premature Ejaculators Anonymous” – Tom Ediger
· “Never ask a hobo if he’s coming or going.” – LadyP
· “Premature embarkation” – mdub
· “Second Thought, Let’s Go For Two” – Martin Frazee
· “Senator Foley just isn’t the same when he’s not IMing” – oye
· “The Man On The Bus Goes Rub, Rub, Ooops…” – Sam Nassar
· “Why the 6 is never on schedule” – Rionn Fears Malechem
Woman: So he wakes up trippin’ in the middle of the night, telling me to go get him a gun.
–Queens Blvd & 82nd Ave, Queens
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Conductor: This is an express train. Express. Express. Express. No Fordham, no Bronx. Express, express, express. Well…I wanna shoot myself!
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Jeff
Man: Hey baby, nice body … Get fat and I’ll shoot ya.
–Classon Ave & Lafayette Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sheila
Hobo: My grandma isn’t here anymore to send me to the store to buy her a Colt 45, but I can still love Jesus!
–Uptown 3 train
Overheard by: jane shields
Ghetto guy: Man, my boy just got shot!
–Stanton St & Orchard St
Overheard by: Kris
Thug: A gun? You gotta shoot that bitch with a crossbow.
–L train, Lorimer Ave
