Jappy girl #1: Oh god! I just got a text from Jason. I want to write back something very biting and sarcastic. What about “shouldn't you be with your girlfriend right now?”
Jappy girl #2: (silent)
Jappy girl #1: Too much?
Jappy girl #2: I don't care.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: gregor
Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!
–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway
Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!
–Hudson & Morton
Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!
–85th & 2nd
[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]Girl, pulling away: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]
–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St
Overheard by: Bex
Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.
–Bryant Park
Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."
–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: scrubs
Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.
–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: David
Chick: Okay, so let me get this straight — you left a top secret threesome at 4:30 in the morning, only to take home a guy you then met on the subway platform who you kicked out of your bed two hours later because your girlfriend was coming home in half an hour?
Guy: Uh, yeah, that’s about right.
Chick: Sweet dancing Moses.
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: still trying to figure out the logistics…
Black girl to black guy: I saw you with that girl “hahahaing” and “hohoeeing.”
Black guy: Ha ha.
–23rd & 5th
Queer: So, yeah, I told him I cheated on him.
Fag hag: Oh… So you don’t really love him, then.
Queer: You think so?
Fag hag: Oh, darling. When you really love someone…
Queer: I know, I know, you don’t cheat on them.
Fag hag: No! When you really love someone, you cheat and never tell.
Queer: You’re so ahead of me.
–Mercer & Broome St
NYU Girl #1: Meanwhile, my boyfriend is being a huge prick.
NYU Girl #2: Meanwhile, you’re sleeping with a guy on your hall.
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell: She is worse than blow, man…I can never have sex with anyone else ever again now that I’ve had a taste of paradise.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd
Chick on cell: So how come you never told me about this other girl you are dating? She’s from work? You have to tell me these things! You can’t just keep this shit from me…wait, so you just fucked her and now it’s over? That’s how it is? Why are you telling me this? You can’t just tell me this!
–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway
Overheard by: Douglas Dukeman
Chick on cell: I swear to you, Matt was an animal in bed last night, but Kelly was much better.
–72nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Sophia
Woman on cell: I don’t know if my horoscope is about my husband or my boyfriend.
–19th St & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Jenny
Guy on cell: If I fuck another woman in the ass, that’s not, like, really cheating, is it? I mean, it’s just her ass. Shit comes out of there. It’s less personal than the twat… You don’t think so?
–Court St, Boro Hall, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Chick on cell: How do I hide a hickey? I’m hiding it from my boyfriend… No, it’s not from him… No, not from him either… I’ll tell you later, I promise… Yes, I know I have a problem — it is big and red and on my neck and I do not need lectures right now. I need to figure out if I am ‘Creamy Ivory’ or ‘Tawny Honey’!
–Rite-Aid, 40th St & Broadway
Ghetto girl to boyfriend: It’s not cheating — they’re in entertainment.
–63rd & Amsterdam
Old Irish guy: That’s why Jesus died for our sins, ’cause he knew we’d be out with other women.
–Midtown Union Bar, 44th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Danny Lynch
Business chick: So, then, I really don’t consider it cheating, because it happened before the whole Santa thing.
–49th & Broadway
Overheard by: what the hell is going on??
Guy on phone: Look, I know she was my girlfriend when we were in high school… Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been 20 years — of course people change… Two kids ain’t that bad… I know she married, but you don’t get it — she does yoga. Have you ever banged a chick that’s done yoga? Look, man, she does the handstand thing… I know I’m going to hell… Or her husband will catch us first. Haha, do you really think anyone is listening to this shit? No. And if they are, who the hell are they going to tell?
–7 train
20-something chick #1: … So was she, like, dating that married guy?
20-something chick #2: No! Man, you can’t date a married guy, he’s married! You can only fuck a married guy.
Lady with kids: Do you mind?!
20-something chick #2: If you don’t want your kids to hear about fucking married men, then don’t raise them in New York!
–34th & Madison
Overheard by: I hate kids too…
Chick on cell: So I saw Damien last night…Yeah, he tried to sleep with me…No, I told him, “Damien, I’m not going to fuck you in the apartment where you live with your girlfriend slash fiance slash whatever!
–18th between 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Nick Braccia
